The Art of War'
by WFROSE
Summary: All's fair in love and... war...
1. prologue

Ranma 1/2  
'The Art of War'  
"Really, Akane," Nabiki started, looking though the ceiling of her youngest sister's room, watching the rising body disappear, "I think you give him too much credit."  
  
Akane continued to fume, as she hastefully donned her bra, "What do you mean? That pervert walked in on me, I wouldn't credit him farther than I could punt him!"  
  
"Sounds like you got a great deal of faith in him, then," Nabiki quipped, after estimating that Ranma, after recovering from his landing from somewhere in northern Japan, wouldn't make it home possibly until late evening if he took the train. "And I mean this pervert thing. you don't honestly think that he's capable of intentionally peeping in on you, do you? He's probably just as clueless as Ryoga."  
  
"Don't you dare compare that jerk to someone as nice as Ryoga!" Akane snapped, still rather embarrased from having her fiancee burst in on her in the nude, "At least he would have knocked!"  
  
"I dunno, sugar," came a familiar voice from above them. Both Nabiki and Akane looked up to find Ukyo looking down at them from the hole Ranma made, "Ih all honesty, I really don't think Ranma is truly capable of harboring a perverted thought." She jumped down, picked up Akane's pajama top, and handed it to her, "It's really weird, most guys would give anything to have four girls chasing them around."  
  
"Ukyo? What are you doing here?"  
  
The chef beamed a smile, pulling her take out carry into the open, "Ranma's breakfast! A cute fiancee's gotta keep her future husband fed!"  
  
"Ukyo, not now," Nabiki interjected, "Ranma's not currently around to provide fustration relief for Akane-chan."  
  
"and what's that supposed to mean?" Akane enquired with an edge to her voice.  
  
"Anyway, maybe you should just lay off of Ranma about him being a pervert. Can you do that, hon?"  
  
"Why? He's a pervert, just like most boys!" Akane pursed her lips, and turned away, "Just... less so... I guess."  
  
"Akane, Ukyo's got a point. I don't even think Ranma has his own sex-drive, much less capable of being a peeping tom, as you accused him."  
  
"Is no true! Airen love Shampoo, just is too, too shy showing!"  
  
"Good morning Shampoo!" Kasumi greeted, walking into Akane's room, and looking at the newly arrived Amazon sitting in Akane's window.  
  
"Feh, like getting that jerk to respond to anything is that hard."  
  
"That's just the blind, all consuming, indignant rage talking, sis," Nabiki commented, while internally sighing about the ensueing damage that was about to commense with three of Ranma's suiters being in the same room at once.  
  
"It is all too true," a fourth suiter commented from above, "Such a barbaric brute you are, Akane Tendou, to fell my beloved Ranma-sama in your uncoth tantrum. For that, you shall be punished!"   
  
Ukyo rolled her eyes, while unsheathing her battle spatula. With an upward verticle slice, she severed the head of the descending mallet from the handle, and brought her weapon back around to catch it before it landed on Akane. The youngest Tendou calmly stepped out of the way, while the handle of the large mallet slapped futilly into the rug where she had been standing.  
  
"What crazy-girl do here?" Shampoo challenged, producing her twin maces in preparation for an encounter.  
  
"I had spotted my dear darling ascending from the brutish display of uncivilized behavior produced by this harridan. I merely saught to dicipline her for such dastardly actions."  
  
"The only one around here that needs 'diciplining' is you," Ukyo stated, while stalking forward with her prefered battle arniment. Akane, caught between then, started to step aside, nervously.  
  
Nabiki herself attempted to subtly step from the room, but found Kasumi blocking the way, while staring at the oncoming battle in mild shock, "Oh my."  
  
Nabiki realized, with a growing dread, she was currently trapped at ground zero. As humorous as the fiancee wars have been, she didn't want to become an innocent casualty of them. At moments like that, it's amazing what is inspired during moments of self-preservation. In fact, the idea may provide her with more than ample entertainment for what has been so far a slow week.  
  
"It's a shame, really," Nabiki sighed in a way that abruptly gained the attention of all the girls in the room, "Four beautiful girls fighting over him, yet he would never appreciate it."  
  
"My Ranma-darling would infinitely bestow upon me his gratitude, once I removed this harpie from his midst!"  
  
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A HARPIE?" Akane screeched.  
  
"Sounds like you're trying to get at something, so spit it out, already," Ukyo commanded of Nabiki.  
  
"Yes, Shampoo no in mood to beat around bush."  
  
"Well," Nabiki fiegned remorse, "I sincerely think that... well... I'm sorry, I just couldn't bare to think upon it, it would be too shameful."  
  
"Oh my, does this concern Ranma?" Kasumi enquired, growing slightly concerned.  
  
Nabiki internally smiled, as Kasumi gave her the opening she needed, "It's, well, with all of this talk about Ranma's illicit perversions, it's a shame that not a one of you could ever even gain so much of a reaction from him."  
  
"Just what, pray tell, are you implying?" Kodachi asked with an arched tone, "That my dear Ranma does not find appeal in my charms? It is to laugh!"  
  
Nabiki shrugged, "Just making an observation, but I wouldn't put any money on your chances, really." Bait; set.  
  
"Then you wouldn't mind making a trifle wager to back your obervation, would you, Nabiki Tendou?"  
  
Victim of her own arrogance. "I don't see why the point I should bother with any of you, I mean it's rather obvious that Ranma wants nothing to do with any of you."  
  
"What you mean?"  
  
"Nabiki!"  
  
"Are you saying that my Ran-chan can't stand to be around me?"  
  
"That wasn't very nice, Nabiki."  
  
Nabiki raised her hand to forestall any further comments, "I let your current results speak for themselves. I'm not feeling as low as to take your money on such a sure-fire bet."  
  
If it weren't for their egos being hammered like railroad spikes, the quip about Nabiki NOT wanting to take their money should have sent red alarms through their brains.  
  
"Okay, fine! I have an idea!" Ukyo spoke up. Nabiki wasn't sure which one was going to speak, but already knew the proposition, "The first one to seduce Ranma... um..."  
  
"First one to seduce Ranma..."  
  
"NABIKI!" Akane screeched, growing deep crimson at the suggestion.  
  
"Relax, sis, you don't have to go all the way. Just get him in an undeniable position that even he has to admit his intentions, and the victor shall be declared," Nabiki clarified, "Anyhow, first one to seduce Ranma, gets the other girls as slaves for the month," Nabiki interjected, "Oh, and by the way, let's have this little contest wrapped up by the end of the week, shall we? I don't want to have to wait long to collect."  
  
"Oh no," Ukyo began to interject, "I already know something's fishy about this deal if you're calling the shots on it, now, so I suggest one more clause..." Ukyo pointed directly at Nabiki, while shouting into a microphone, "YOU WILL BE A CONTESTANT, TOO!!!"  
  
Nabiki's left eye twitched, as her stomach started to turn slightly at the thought, but shrugged it off with her usual sharp smirk.  
  
Upon the roof, Mousse looked down angrilly at what was being proposed, "Saotome, you fiend! Even unwittingly, you coerce my darling Shampoo and these poor girls into openly throwing away their dignity to fawn all over you. For this atrocity, I will have you pay a thousand and one deaths!"  
  
"I got a better idea."  
  
Mousse turned around, and blinked to find a handsome young man in a green dragonscale vest with steel arm bracers and a pantyhose around his waist, standing over him with a dangerous smirk. "Pant... Tarou, what is it that brings you to Nerima?"  
  
"Oh, the usual. Stomp Happosai into changing my name, seeing what type of idiotic situation fem-boy got himself into."  
  
"I see," Mousse replied, pushing his glassed higher onto his nose.  
  
"I'm pretty sure you don't" Tarou quipped, gaining a scowl from the other Chinese young man.  
  
"And, what, pray tell, is this ingenious plan you have come up with?"  
  
"Heh," Tarou chuckled, "Why don't we get away from potentially prying ears, first?"  
_________________  
  
"Brrrr"  
  
Ranma wrapped her arms around herself, wondering how she was feeling such an intense chill on such a nice day. 


	2. pt 1

Ranma 1/2  
'The Art of War'  
"Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush them"  
  
"The rule is, not to besiege walled cities if it can possibly be avoided. The preparation of mantlets, moveable shelters, and various impleents of war, will take up three whole months, and the piling up of mounds over against the walls will take three months more."  
____________________________  
Nabiki checked her outfit; white tanktop with short jean shorts that were bordering on bloomers. Her original intention wasn't to participate in this little battle, but decided at the last minute that it may be within her best intrest to do so. She stood to win two ways, by default, if everyone failed to coerce Ranma for their victory, or by managing to gain his attention, herself. The middle Tendou sister was confident that she was safe with this bet; none of the other girls obviously knew how to capture the studly young man without force, and Ranma was easily stronger than any of them, possibly all of them put together.  
  
She, on the other hand knew that Ranma would fight tooth and nail any affection shown to him. A different tact was in order to gain his attention. She just had the simple task of maintaining control of herself.  
  
Nabiki rolled the vanilla popcicle around her mouth, as she walked into the bathroom. "Boy, it's getting hot out there," Nabiki commented, unheeding of the pigtailed boy staring at her, wide-eyed.  
  
"NABIKI!" Ranma shouted, quickly covering his biddness with a washing pale, "I *know* I put the occupied sign out!"  
  
Nabiki froze, before looking straight into Ranma's eyes, duly reminding herself that all would be ruined if she decided to look down, thus revealing her intentions. "Oh, sorry, Saotome, my mind must have been elsewhere..." She twisted the rocket shaped vanilla popcicle around in her mouth, slow enough to be sensual, but not obvious, and then pivoted on her heel. With a gasp, she slipped, losing her balance in the slight wet puddle that her foot had found.  
  
Without hesitation, Ranma leapt to keep her from experiencing a nasty fall. Nabiki slumped into his arms, sighing at the save, "Whoa, I musta really been out of it, must be catching Akane's clumbsiness," Nabiki replied, idly smirking to herself at the slight sabotage to one of her opponents.  
  
"Ah... as long as you're okay," Ranma stammered, "Um... could you get outta here so I can finish drying off now?"  
  
"Oh, sorry Ranma, I had just come in here to pick something up, but I guess it could wait." Nabiki attempted to pick herself up from Ranma's arms and kneeling lap, but dang found it, her foot just kept finding those puddles!  
  
Ranma sighed, as Nabiki's thirteenth slip commenced, and used his own balance to assist her up. Nabiki turned, and nodded greatfully to the pigtailed boy, before leaving the bathroom. Once she was out the door, the middle Tendou sister tsked at her wet shirt that lacked a bra under it, and glossied wet legs. She had ensured to rub her bottom against Ranma's lap in her struggles, but... well, she may not have been the most 'experienced' girl, but she was sure something should have... happened... with Ranma... down there. In fact, other than his usual nervousness, she got no reaction at all.  
  
Nabiki had to think on that; if Ranma failed to respond to that, it looked like the contest was as good as forfeit, and she stood to win in the end. But... she couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of dejection.  
  
Ranma blinked a couple of times, "I wonder what's gotten into her?"  
____________________________  
  
"The Commander stands for the virtues of wisdom, sincerity, benevolence, courage, and strictness."  
  
"That the impact of your army be like a grindstone dashed against an egg; this is affected by the science of weak points and strong."  
____________________________  
  
Akane watched Ranma, ignoring her sister's pouts and mumbles. As he went though his weekend morning routine before breakfast, she thought about how she felt about Ranma, how she *really* felt about him. She had no intention of allowing the other hussies... and her sisters (she added as an afterthought) to gain an advantage over her fiance, and she knew that it would take some deep soul-searching to figure out how she was going to keep them at bay.  
  
"Okay, Akane Tendou," she whispered to herself, "You know he cares for you, just come out, and let him know how you feel..."  
  
Just as Ranma was winding down, Akane approached with a determined expression on her face. Ranma turned towards her, and baulked, "Wha-whaddido this time?"  
  
Akane blinked at the question, before she felt her temper begin to rise, "Hey! I just want to..." Suddenly, her temper left, only to be replaced by a growing sudden nervousness, "to... um... well..."  
  
Ranma studied Akane, as she began to twist her hands self conciously, "Well?"  
  
"Ranma, do... um, I just wanted to... I mean I... that is..."  
  
Ranma raised an eyebrow; Akane was even more tonguetied than Ryoga trying to ask her out on a date, "Well, spit it out! I don't have all morn'n, ya know?"  
  
"SHUT UP, YOU JERK!" Akane shouted, part from the interruption and her own fustration. She took a deep breath, focusing all her dicipline, before continuing, "What I'm trying to say is... ah..."  
  
"What? What's wrong?" Ranma seemed to be becoming unnerved at Akane's own lack of nerve, "Did someone die? Is there a demon on the loose? Did Timmy fall down a well? Come on, Lassie! You can do it!"  
  
The familiar blinding white pain in his jaw, as he sailed across the Neriman sky informed him that he probably should not watch any more late night television, particularly old American shows...  
  
The incident served to brighten Nabiki's mood after her own initial failure; at least her younger sister didn't have any particular advantage, "Really, Sis, how do you expect to land your man if you can't keep yourself from throwing a temper tantrum whenever Ranma harmlessly ribs you?"  
  
"HE CALLED ME A BITCH!" Akane shouted, trying to rationalize her utter failure.  
  
"Come on, Akane, just admit it, you're too immature to even consider yourself in this running," Nabiki retorted, polishing her nails against her shirt. The middle Tendou sister was quite proud of her ability to fuel her sister's temper. If she could keep Akane this hostile for a week, that was one less contestant to have to bother with.  
  
"WHAT DO YOU..." Akane paused, and forcably calmed herself, "Like you have any right to be casting stones, Nabiki."  
  
The girl in question didn't even bother to look up, "Whatever you say, my dear *little* sister..."  
  
Akane fumed at Nabiki's final barb, and stormed upstairs, vowing silently to herself that she would prove to Nabiki, to Ranma, to everyone that she was just as mature... just as much a woman as the rest of them were! "Ranma, I swear before the end of the week, you'll be seeing me like the pervert you probably are!"  
____________________________  
  
"Oh divine art of subtlty and secrecy! Through you we learn to be invisible, through you inaudible, and hence we can hold the enemie's fate in our hands."  
  
"Ponder and deliberate before you move."  
____________________________  
  
"Just great, and it's not even noon, yet," Ranma griped, distangling himself out of a tree, "I still haven't even ate... hmm, I think Ucchan's is nearby. She should be done with the usual weekend morning crowd about now..."  
  
A short trip over a few rooftops brought Ranma to his best friend's establishment. He entered the open door, finding Ukyo cleaning her grill, "Hey, Ucchan!"  
  
"Lousymorningrushcan'tcomprehendthatI'mactuallysupposedtobeclos- RANCHAN!" Ukyo exclaimed, looking up at her pigtailed target. "What a surprise to see you here!"  
  
"Yeah, kinda ticked Akane off this morning," Ranma replied chagrinned, and then blinked at Ukyo whooping and pumping her arms in celebration."  
  
"Victory is as good as mine!" She thought to herself, before regaining her composure, "Sorry to hear that, Ran-chan. Give me a sec and I'll whip you up something..."  
  
"Great, thanks!" Ranma replied, moving to sit at a stool at the grill. Before he was even seated, Ukyo was done.  
  
"Here you go!" Ukyo thrust the plate at him, causing him to step back. "Ranma-honey, I'll tell ya what. I'm about to go on break here in a bit, wanna watch a movie with me? You can eat this upstairs while we're watching."  
  
"Uh... sure..." Ranma replied in the face of Ukyo's eagerness, "if you're fine with it. But don't you have to keep the restaurant open?"  
  
"Actually we're closed today," Ukyo replied in a slightly terse voice. A cowed movement from the corner of the restuarant drew Ranma's attention to a nervous and seemingly apologetic Konatsu.  
  
"KONATSU!" The kunoichi in question snapped to attention, while emitting a small whimper. "Close the restaurant up for me! I'm going upstairs to... relax!"  
  
"Ah... " Konatsu gulped, before speaking, "but what about your regulars? What do I tell them?"  
  
Ukyo leapt over the counter, and dragged Ranma towards the stairs, " Tell them to go sabotage Shampoo's chances!!"  
  
Ranma didn't even get a chance to enquire what the comment was all about, before he was hoisted up the stairs by a determined best friend.  
____________________________  
  
Ranma sat on the edge of Ukyo's western futon that folded into a couch, as the owner of the room walked in with a bowl of popcorn.  
  
"So, what are we watching?" Ranma enquired, finishing the last bite of his okonomiyaki.  
  
"Some American film I've been meaning to watch." she replied casually, sitting next to Ranma.  
  
"Oh," the pigtailed boy wasn't all that partial to American films, and hoped it had some cool special effects, at least. "What's it about?"  
  
Ukyo shrugged, "No idea. All I know is it has some popular actor, been in a whole bunch of films. I think his last name is Ron or something..."  
  
The more Ukyo talked about the film, the less interested Ranma became in it. But, he decided that he would at least humor his childhood friend for a while, "Sounds cool."  
  
"Great!" Ukyo beamed Ranma a smile, as she picked up the remote control, and turned on the DVD player. Ranma retrieved a handfull of popcorn before turning towards the television.  
  
Ukyo munched on a few kernels of popcorn, as she watched the movie start. Ranma's tight fist oozed out bits of popcorn, as he stared wide-eyed at the television, frozen solid.  
  
After ten minutes, Ukyo turned towards Ranma with an oblivious and guileless expression, "Ranma-honey, have you ever wondered what it would be like to touch each other like they are?" 


	3. pt 2

'The Art of War'  
part 2  
Ukyo tapped her foot against the floor before her bed, huffing and harking over how long Ranma was taking in the bathroom. She had paused the DVD so that the pigtailed boy wouldn't miss a minute of it, and it had been several minutes since his absence.  
  
"Just what is Ranchan doing in there?"  
  
The young chef decided that as long as he was using the facilities, she may as well get herself prepared for her 'best friend'. A quick strip and nothing but a tiny, barely covering terrycloth robe later, Ukyo smiled cheerfully to herself, before sitting back on her bed. Her smile faded, as she looked back at the clock in her room; fifteen minutes since Ranma's been in the bathroom.  
  
"Really, he better not be clogging my toile-" Ukyo's verbal though stopped on her lips, as she realized something else Ranma could be doing in the bathroom...  
  
"YOU JACKASS! I'M SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU WITH THAT!" The bathroom door buckled in, before shattering under Ukyo's duress and rage, "Ran-chan, wouldn't you like me to do that for... you?"  
  
The barely robed young woman stared blankly at the empty bathroom.  
  
"Ukyo-sama, I heard the commotion and... uh, Ukyo?"  
  
The young chef didn't really notice the male kunoichi looking the other way, abashed, "Konatsu hun, have you seen Ranma around here?"  
  
"Ah... he said something about not disturbing your 'private time'." Konatsu didn't at the time, but now knew what Ranma had been talking about.  
  
"My... private time'?" Ukyo repeated, incredulously.  
  
"He didn't want to intrude, so he left," Konatsu clarified, not even turning around to his scantly-clad boss, as she stormed from the bathroom.  
  
Ukyo growled, as she slammed the door, and picked up the remote control to the DVD player, turning it off. "That Jackass..."  
__________________________  
__________________________  
  
"Therefore, the clever combatant imposes his will on the enemy, but doesn't allow the enemie's will to be imposed on him."  
__________________________  
__________________________  
  
Ranma continued his trek away from Ucchan's, still somewhat puzzled by his best friend's actions. The Tendou sisters usually did that sort of thing during the night.  
  
The pigtailed boy shrugged to himself, figuring whenever the itch hits girls, they just have to scratch it. Made enough sense to him, in that analogy.  
  
"Still, I think she woulda felt a bit ackward, with me being in the same room with her and all," Ranma mused, after dismissing the thought entirely.  
  
Unnoticed, Shampoo leapt from rooftop to rooftop, awaiting her opportunity. She was rather dismayed to find that Ranma hadn't been home during her intended time to strike, when everyone would have come running to find out all the commotion. Of course, when they got there, it would be well too late, for she would have one the bet, and have her husband in one fail swoop.  
  
For this attempt, she had left her Great-grandmother out of the loop; the matriarch ment well, but Shampoo suspected she only offered assistance when it would provide her with amusement, meaning she most assuradly didn't take Shampoo's desperate crusade to win over Ranma seriously. As a warrior born, she decided that trickery and deceit were no longer options; Ranma had proven too wiley and events around him were always too predictable, whenever she attempted to use some sort of 'suggestive' potion or food for them to be practical. And anytime she tried to arouse him, it was like trying to wake the dead in the same manner.  
  
"Actually, Shampoo find wake dead too, too much easier," Shampoo growled, out loud.  
  
Her slip didn't go unnoticed by her prey, as he suddenly looked up, "Huh? Who's there?"  
  
Almost yelping, Shampoo ducked back from the side of the roof, out of Ranma's sight. She was about to flee to hiding again, when she stopped herself...  
  
Ranma landed on the roof where he swore he heard someone's voice. "Huh? Funny, musta been my imagination..."  
  
His imagination bum blindsided him, and pinned him to the roof.  
  
Ranma quickly moved to break the pin he was in, before he noticed who it was, "Shampoo? What's this all a-"  
  
With her free hand, Shampoo tore his shirt from him viciously, then adjusted her hips, and positioned her hand to do the same with his pants.  
  
"Ranma shut up and take like proper husband," Shampoo growled menacingly, while covering his mouth with her free hand to keep him from screaming.  
  
Ranma didn't scream, instead choosing to stare back at Shampoo with a hooded gaze...  
__________________________  
  
"Shampoo not done with Ranma yet," thought the lavender cat that was currently tangled up in someone's apartment balcony clothesline, approximately two miles away from her confrontation with Ranma.  
__________________________  
__________________________  
  
"Hence to fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme exellence, supreme excellence consists of breaking your enemy's resistance without fighting.  
__________________________  
__________________________  
  
"Man, that was my fave red shirt, too," Ranma growled, looking down at the remnants of his once proud silk Chinese collar shirt. He idly adjusted his undershirt, while laying the destroyed clothing over his shoulder, "What in the heck posessed Shampoo to try something as stupid as that?"  
  
In retrospect, he had to admire the Amazon's straightforward approach at getting things done, but maybe she needed to have a bit of her own 'private time', instead of tackling innocent guys minding their own business. Heck, he was pretty sure Mousse would be accomodating.  
  
"Guess it's just that time of the month, or something," Ranma decided.  
  
"Ooooooh Raaaaaaannnnnnmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaa darling..."  
  
"Great, just great," Ranma sighed, before turning around, to find one of his three least favorite Kunos (not that he knew any others) standing behind him in her usual black rose patterned leotard.  
  
For once, she was not twirling her ribbong, or laughing like a hysterical maniac hyena doped up on nitrogen oxide. She stared at him with a hungry, intentful look that set him on edge more than her usual mannerisms, and froze him to the spot. The longer she stared at him, the more he was beginning to miss her inane laugh.  
  
"I think it's high time out lovely game of 'hard to get' has ajourned, wouldn't you agree, Ranma... darling?" The gymnast sensually strode up to Ranma, and practically melted her body against his.  
  
"Uh, Kodachi, could you, you know... get off?" Ranma asked, politely, before sniffing the air, and wrinkling his nose.  
  
"Only if you would be so kind as to assist, my dear," Kodachi replied, smiling to herself, as Ranma began to smell the air.  
  
"Geez! You been rolling around in a women's bathroom or someth'n?" Ranma asked bluntly, quickly pulling Kodachi from him, "You smell like rotten perfume!"  
  
"Oh, my dear Ranma-sama, how you do so jest!" Kodachi said with a chuckle, "I'm sure you will begin to enjoy it, assoonastheaffectsbeginto... arise..."  
  
"Affects? Of what?" Ranma asked, warily, while snorting out heavily to keep his nostrils from inhaling any more of the obnoxious stench.  
  
"Why, my lovely perfume, of course!" Kodachi replied, with a hint of pride, "It's of my own concoction. Various flora known for their aphroditional properties, conbined with my own personal pheromones, enhanced for your indulgence. I liberally applied it to my person for your benefit."  
  
Liberally translating to; every inch of her body was reaking with it.  
  
At Ranma's apparent growing discomfort, Kodachi smirked in triumph, "I see you're beginning to understand it's proprieties... Would you care for some relief."  
  
"GET... OFFA ME!" Ranma screeched, feeling his eyes begin to water from the stench of Kodachi's 'perfume'.  
  
"Come now, Ranma-sama, lest you suffer eternally, the Black Rose shall ease your growing duress!" With that, Kodachi all but superglued herself to the pigtailed boy, and ground herself against him.  
  
Kodachi noticed the lack of... excitement from her intended future groom, looked down between them, and then looked back at Ranma's expression in sheer bewilderment.  
  
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" Ranma screamed out, beginning to run, while trying to peel Kodachi from his person. Ranma's face was beginning to turn blue, as he finally found the canal, leapt over the fence, and plunged both him and Kodachi into it.  
  
Two girls surfaced; a gymnast and a redhead.  
  
"You... redheaded harridan! What had you done with my darling Ranma!"  
  
"E nt dat way, nus it away um me!" Ranma-chan almost shouted, while holding her nose and pointing.  
  
"We shall have words, once my dear has been properly subdued," Kodachi threatened, before leaping from the water, "RANMA DARLING! WAIT FOR YOUR DEAREST KOOOOODACHIIIIIIII!!"  
  
With immense relief, Ranma crawled out of the canal, and wrankled her nose at the lingering residue of Kodachi's perfume.  
  
"Man, I need a bath to get this crap offa me! What she do? Wrestle a skunk in cherry scented baby-oil, or something?" Ranma checked her pockets, and found more than enough money for a trip to a local bathhouse. "If I go back to the Tendou's smelling like this, I know there's gonna be Hell to pay." With that, Ranma started at a brisk pace to the nearest bathhouse she knew of.  
  
Overhead, a myopic duck saw, and realized his opportunity. 


	4. pt 3

'The Art of War'  
"There are three ways in which a ruler can bring misfortune upon his army. By commanding the army to advance or retreat, being ignorante of the fact that it cannot obey. This is called hobbling the army. By attempting to govern the army in the same way he administers a kingdom, being ignorant of the conditions which obtain in an army. This causes restlessness in the soldiers' minds. By employing the officers of his army without discrimination, through ignorance of the military principle of adaptation to circumstances. This shakes the confidence of the soldiers...  
______________________  
______________________  
  
"Miserable smell still burning my nose..." Ranma mumbled, as he walked into the men's washroom of the public bath, and sat upon one of the stools supplied. After carefully ensuring to fill a pail with warm water, the pigtailed boy upended it over his head, and then set to the audious task of washing away the obnoxious stench of Kodachi's perfume.  
  
After pausing to wash a bit of soap that managed to spatter into his eye from his frantic scrubbing, he spotted a white duck heading towards him down the isle, "Yo, Mousse, how's it goin'?"  
  
The duck quacked in reply, and leapt onto the stool next to Ranma, patiently waiting for the pigtailed boy to finish filling his pail with hot water, and then upend it over the duck's head.  
  
"Greetings, Saotome, you're just the person I wanted to see."  
  
"Izzat so?" Ranma enquired, before mumbling a bit more about horrible body oders of gymnasts.  
  
"I beg your pardon?" Mousse didn't quite catch what Ranma had said.  
  
"Nutt'n. There was something I wanted to ask you about Shampoo," as Mousse's eyes narrowed, Ranma hastefully added, "I mean, she's acting weird and all, and she practically attacked me! You know what that's all about?"  
  
Mousse silently fumed, as his eyes shifted to his left. With a slight nod, Mousse turned back to Ranma with a cracked smile, "I guess it's... that time of the month... WHAT?!?"  
  
"Um, Mousse, are you okay?" Ranma equired.  
  
"I'm fine, I am, really," Mousse quickly answered, the next part he had barely managed to get out through gritted teeth, "Her actions aren't your.... fault... after all...."  
  
"No, really, are you okay, Mousse?" Ranma enquired for a second time.  
  
"I'M FINE, YOU MORO-...." Mousse stopped abruptly, and shifted his eyes back to the left. Ranma blinked, and followed Mousse's gaze, only to find himself staring at the wall two feet to the right of him. Ranma's attention was drawn back to the sound of Mousse forcing himself to take deep breaths, as if to calm himself down.  
  
"I'm fine, Saotome, thank you for your concern." Mousse found himself replying rather easily after taking several deep calming breaths. The rather unusual but somewhat pleasant scent helped to relax him, also. "Perhaps this isn't the best place to discuss things..."  
  
"Where do you suggest, then?" Ranma enquired, eyeing Mousse dubiously.  
  
After several moments, Mousse replied, "Icecream... my... treat?" The wince he made was even audible, but apparently Ranma chose to ignore it.  
  
"Sure! If you're offer'n! I know a great place near here, in fact...!"  
  
"Great..." Mousse replied, already seeing last weeks pay from working at the Cat Cafe becoming non-existant.  
______________________  
  
Tarou groaned, as he put down the mic that was broadcasting to Mousse's earpiece... the one in his left ear. He had to wonder if it would have been better just to hunt down pigboy for this little gag against the femboy.  
  
"The things I have to go through for some decent entertainment..."  
______________________  
  
Mousse watched the redhead across from him raptly, as she dug into her third sundae with gusto. The Chinese native had to admit, he may have been indifferent to making passes at other guys, but he was much more comfortable with Ranma as a girl. Not only that, the alluring scent that he had now figured was accompanying Ranma had grown stronger while he was in girl form (choosing to switch to that form after explaining that it wasn't manly to eat some of the sundaes he intended to), and after the brisk run they made to the parlor; the pigtailed girl was rather enthuesiastic about free icecream.  
  
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Ranma asked, looking up at Mousse with oblivious eyes, and lips slightly rimmed some melted icecream. Unconciously, she licked her tongue against her lips slowly, capturing some of the flavor that saught to escape her as long as possible. She blinked as Mousse's eyes went wide, and he gave a long, silent gulp, before shifting in his seat uncomfortably. Ranma hoped whatever Mousse had wasn't contagious.  
  
"I just wanted... t-to... you n-now... let bygones... be bygones?"  
  
Ranma blinked again, "Okay, who are you, and where's Mousse?"  
  
Mousse gave an extremely nervous laugh, before he jolted, and looked to his left. Ranma tilted her head, causing her companion to look back towards her, and become mesmorized by her innocently adorable gesture; he really had to wonder what he found so insufferable about someone who could be so cute without thinking about it.  
  
"I said, is that a nervous twitch, or something?"  
  
Mousse blinked back to reality, "What, darli-... Ranma?"  
  
"You keep looking to your left..." Ranma commented in a dry tone.  
  
"Oh, muscle spasm," Mousse quickly answered, before changing the subject like he was just ordered to, "Anyways, I was hoping that we can forget the past, and begin anew as friend, brothers, even!"  
  
"Well, I don't know you all *that* well, but I guess it beats fight'n with ya at every instance Shampoo clings to me," Ranma drolled, before finishing her current sundae, and raising her hand to call over the waiter. "Wha?"  
  
Ranma-chan looked down, to find Mousse clutching her other hand with both of his, while staring at her with a gloriously estatic and earnest espression, "You mean it? Do you?"  
  
"...." Ranma replied immidiately, before continuing, "Well, if it means that much to you..."  
  
Ranma tensed up, as Mousse hugged her from across the table, "THANK YOU! I WON'T MAKE YOU REGRET THIS!?"  
  
"Already... starting... to..."  
  
Mousse felt his heart began to shatter at her response, before she continued."  
  
"Let... go... buddy... can't... breath..."  
  
"Oh, my apologies, Ranma," Mousse replied sheepishly, before taking another deep breath, and emitting a glowing, goofy smile.  
  
"Mousse? Mousse? Anyone home?" Ranma snapped her fingers a few times in Mousse's face, failing to catch his attention. With a sigh, Ranma left the table, got some hot water from the counter, and left a guy.  
  
"[Mousse? MOUSSE! You moron, wake up before I come over there and beat you back to your senses!]" Tarou warred with his irritation at his accomplice, and the slight awe he felt from the way Mousse suddenly took control.  
______________________  
______________________  
  
"The good fighters of old first put themselves beyond the possibility of defeat, and then waited for an opportunity of defeating the enemy."  
  
"Security against defeat implies defensive tactics; ability to defeat the enemy means taking the offensive."  
______________________  
______________________  
  
"I'm home!" Ranma announced, walking into the Tendou home. He blinked at the sight before him.  
  
"Welcome home, Ranma-kun," Kasumi greeted, knealing seiza before the front hall in an rather attractive kimono, almost kow-towing before the pigtailed boy.  
  
"Kasumi, what's this all about?" Ranma enquired, wondering if Kasumi accidentally screwed up one of his favorite shirts in the laundary again. Actually, he had a sneaking suspicion that it was Akane's fault, and Kasumi was covering for her, but nonetheless...  
  
"I only wished to greet you properly upon your return, Ranma-kun. If you would like, I have prepared your favorite blend of tea with some cookies in the tearoom for you."  
  
"You didn't get a call that I was dying, did you?" Ranma asked, growing increasingly nervous.  
  
"Oh no! Nothing like that!" Kasumi quickly replied, "Would you like to join me for tea?"  
  
"I.... guess...." Ranma replied, following the eldest Tendou daughter to the tearoom.  
  
He sat down across from Kasumi, as she daintily poured his tea for him, before lifting the mug up, and presenting it to him with her head slightly bowed.  
  
"Thanks, but you don't need to go through all of this," Ranma replied, wondering what the heck was going on.  
  
"Oh, you must be tense from all that running around, Ranma-kun!" Kasumi replied.  
  
Ranma shrugged, before reaching for a cookie, "Yeah, a bit. This morning Nabiki caught a bad case of Akaneidus. Speaking of Akane, I managed to get her angry somehow. Ukyo started acting all weird, same with Shampoo. Kodachi started clinging to me and got this weird and disgusting smelling perfume all over me." Kasumi nodded at that, as she had been wondering where the smell had been coming from. Although, she found it rather... asthetic and pleasant. "And then I met up with Mousse at a public bath, asking to be friends instead of blood enemies or something like... what are you doing?"  
  
Ranma looked over his shoulder at Kasumi, surprised he hadn't even noticed her scooting behind him until she started massaging his shoulders. "Oh my, it seems as if you've had a rough day so far, Ranma-kun. Maybe there's something I can do to make it... better?"  
  
Ranma started leaning back, as the young woman started to lean her face closer to Ranma's ever so slowly. "Well, you've already done more than enough for me, thanks Kasumi. I do feel a bit better now, at least."  
  
Kasumi internally fought down her growl of fustration. She intellectually noticed herself becoming more aggressive, but didn't much care. "But it's only the duty of a proper, loving lady such as me to... please."  
  
Ranma stiffened at Kasumi's statement, before his eyes narrowed, "I see what this is all about!"  
  
Kasumi paused in her minstrations, "Y-you do?"  
  
Ranma spun, facing the eldest Tendou daughter, and grasped both of Kasumi's shoulders, "How can I not see it? I would be blind not to!"  
  
"Oh, Ranma-kun!" Kasumi realized she was swooning in Ranma's handsome gaze.  
  
"You're worried that you won't find yourself a husband!"  
  
Kasumi blinked, "I am?"  
  
"Sure!" Ranma exclaimed, "That's what this whole show is all about, isn't it? To prove that you can be a proper wife!" Ranma looked sternly at Kasumi, "Kasumi, don't give up hope! There's plenty of guys out there for you!"  
  
"B-b-b-..." Kasumi regained her composure, before throwing herself facefirst into Ranma's chest, while taking a deep, comforting breath, "but don't you find me attractive, Ranma?"  
  
Kasumi felt almost euphoric, as Ranma hugged her, "Of course I do, Kasumi! But don't worry, you're only twenty... nineteen..."  
  
Kasumi looked up from Ranma's chest with an incredulous stare, as Ranma had his eyes downcast, seeming to search through his memory. He looked back up with a hopeful expression, "Twenty?"  
  
"Twenty," Kasumi confirmed with a half-lidded gaze.  
  
"See? You still have a while yet before you're an old maid!" Ranma proclamed, "Remember, Kasumi, don't give up hope! You'll find Mr. Right, yet!" With that, Ranma gave a still Kasumi a hug meant for siblings, and a pat on the back, before standing up, and heading out the room.  
  
Kasumi sat frozen for several moments, before her expression darkend, and she napped her fingers in irritation. 


	5. pt 4

'The Art of War'  
  
"So in war, the way to avoid what is strong is to attack what is weak  
  
_______________  
  
_______________  
  
Nabiki walked into the kitchen to find Kasumi grumbling to herself. As amusing and novel as the sight was, she had other plans. Without a word, and ensuring her sister was too preoccupied with herself, as she krept to the cabinet where their father's surplus sake was kept, opened it, and quietly pulled a bottle out. With a silent chuckle, Nabiki began to sneak out of the kitchen.  
  
"Old maid?!? NABIKI!"  
  
"ACK!!!" Nabiki quickly spun around, holding the bottle behind her back, "Y-yes, sis?"  
  
"I don't look that old, right? You've seen me in the bath, I'm not sagging or anything, am I?"  
  
Nabiki blinked, and rapidly shook her head, "Nope, sis, not a sign of it, excusemegotta go!"  
  
Kasumi nodded and turned away as her sister rushed from the kitchen. She still had her youthful beauty, so maybe she would just have to work harder at making Ranma notice it? He did seem quite a bit on the dense side, after all.  
  
Nabiki walked into the guest room, finding Ranma standing on his head, reading one of her older mangas. The middle Tendou sister twitched, not recalling ever giving him permission to do so, but shrugged her irritation off; it was game time. Strolling into the guestroom as casually as possible, while holding two small sake cups and the bottle of ricewine at waist level before her, "What are you up to, Ranma-kun?"  
  
"HAH?" Ranma quickly grabbed the manga, putting it behind himself, "Ah... n-nutt'n. Just meditat'n."  
  
"Of course," Nabiki replied, sitting next to the inverted pigtailed boy, and setting a sake cup in front of them.  
  
Ranma stared at the glass with slightly crossed eyes, "What's this for?"  
  
"Help me celebrate, Saotome," Nabiki replied, pouring him a shot of alcohol, "It's been a good month, and I didn't feel like indulging on my own."  
  
Ranma passed the alcohol a wary glance, "Ah, no thanks. Why don't you ask Kasumi?"  
  
"Because Kasumi's busy," Nabiki replied, "And since you're the only one home, you get to be lucky winner number two." Nabiki took a gulp of her own pouring, which was signifigantly smaller than Ranma's, before turning a glance in the pigtailed boy's collection, "Problem, Saotome?"  
  
"Ah, I'll pass," Ranma replied, shoving the small cup away from himself.  
  
"Understandable," Nabiki replied, casually, "I mean, I guess it would be pretty embarrassing ending up being drunk under the table by a gal like me, huh?"  
  
"What?" Ranma shifted his eyes towards Nabiki, who shrugged at the glare.  
  
"I mean, it is pretty common knowledge your ability to hold your liquer is... less than adequate. Don't worry, though, I'm pretty sure there's a few others out there that have the same problem." Nabiki calmly poured herself another shot, and drank.  
  
Ranma's brows furrowed, "I ain't inadequate at anything. I just ain't in the mood, that's all."  
  
"If that's your excuse, I won't argue against it," Nabiki replied, pouring herself another shot.  
  
Ranma's eyes narrowed, as he turned himself rightside up. Sitting in lotus position, Ranma snatched the sake cup off the ground, and downed it in one shot. He turned a proud expression to Nabiki, who didn't even look at him as she poured him another full glass. Ranma's victorious expression turned into an incredulous one. With a growl of determination, Ranma downed that one also, before coughing slightly at the burning sensation.  
  
Nabiki smiled inwardly, having recalled the Romeo and Juliet play. Ranma's alcohol intolerance was well documented, as Kuno quickly got his pigtailed feminine obsession drunk rather quickly. As long as she kept her shots short and his tall, she was sure he'd be way too over the bend to put up any ample resistance, and well suceptable to anything she demanded.  
  
She had to admit, though, whatever cologne he was wearing, was beccoming more than a slight turn-on...  
  
_______________  
  
Ranma carried Nabiki to her room, and gently placed her on her bed. He had to fight her a bit, as she refused to let go of him, attempting to pull him down as her tongue waggled out of her mouth, hoping to lick any part of the pigtailed martial artist that came close.  
  
Once he had pried the girl from his person, he sighed. It wasn't like Nabiki to be pawing all over him like that, she knew full well how Akane would react to that. Then again, she wouldn't have been the one in danger, he would be.  
  
Ranma snorted, before turning, and leaving Nabiki's room. The girl had absolutely no tolerance for alcohol. Him, on the other hand, heh, it took a whole bottle of Shoyu sake of %20 proof downed in less than five seconds to even turn him tipsy. Damn Kuno...  
  
_______________  
  
_______________  
  
"He who can modify his tactics in relation to his opponent and thereby succeed in winning, may be called a heaven-born captain."  
  
_______________  
  
_______________  
  
Ranma walked downstairs, just as Akane arrived home with a shopping bag. She didn't even announce her presence, and walked right by Ranma only to pause to give him an evil glare. After that, she sped up the stairs, before slamming the door to her room.  
  
"I wonder what that was all about?" Ranma wondered aloud, before shrugging, and walking into the kitchen. "Hey, Kasumi, what's for dinner?"  
  
Kasumi's head snapped up at his voice, before she quickly turned on the waterworks; if Ranma was operating on a misconception, perhaps it was to her advantage.   
  
Ranma's eyes went wide, startled at Kasumi suddenly crying, "ACK! WHATEVER IT IS I'M SORRY!"  
  
"Oh... R-Ranma-kun..." Kasumi whimpered, before turning a tear-stained face (actually quick dabs of vinager trailing down her cheeks) towards him. Her kimono was dishevaled, as if she had been posessed in misery, "I... I don't understand..."  
  
"Understand what?" Ranma replied, concerned as to whatever could bring the eldest Tendou sister to tears.  
  
"Wh-why don't men find me attractive?" Kasumi wiped a tear from her face, and sniffled, "I-i'm sorry to trouble you like this, Ranma-kun."  
  
"Hey! Lots of guys find you attractive!" Ranma retorted, hoping to appease the crying girl. He leapt back, when Kasumi was suddenly invading his personal space.  
  
"R-really?" Kasumi enquired, her reddened eyes (made so by slicing whole onions and holding them close to her face) glistening with tears (also the onions) and hope, "Could you name them?"  
  
"Ah..." Ranma paused, "Well... there's Hiroshi and Daisuke..."  
  
Kasumi frowned, "But didn't you say they would probably find Bes attractive, as lecherous as they act?"  
  
"Uh, yeah... but that's still two guys who find you attractive!" Ranma retorted, nervously, "And Dr. Tofu..."  
  
Kasumi raised an eyebrow, Dr. Tofu found her attractive? "B-but, then why didn't he ever ask me out?"  
  
Ranma gave Kasumi a cracked smile, "Um... you made him nervous, ya know?"  
  
Finding the opening she needed, Kasumi threw herself into Ranma's arms, sobbing loudly, "H-hold me, R-R-Ranma-kun!"  
  
"ACK!" the pigtailed martial artist was forced to catch the girl, before freezing at the feeling of mature, firm, supple breats pressing into his chest. He looked down, finding the front of Kasumi's kimono had opened up to a revealing sight; impressive what she managed to hide in those frumpy dresses she tended to wear.  
  
"I don't know what to do, Ranma!" Kasumi sobbed, "I'm so lonely, Ranma. I could be the perfect wife for any man... *any* man... fulfilling their every desire..." Kasumi got a good wiff, suddenly feeling more emboldened, "Akane could never appreciate you, the way a true woman could."  
  
"Kasumi... chan..." The older girl looked up, was she finally getting to him? Ranma encircled his arms tighter around her, "Don't cry, it's not the end of the world. Know that if you never find a man you truly want as your husband, I'm here for you."  
  
"Oh, Ranma!" Kasumi felt an uncharactoristic bout of elation at Ranma's proclamation, "But it's you-"  
  
"Shhh, shhhh," Ranma consoled, rocking Kasumi back and forth, as he patted her head against his shoulder, "You're like a big sis to me, I hate seeing you like this."  
  
Kasumi's sobs stopped, "Hmm?"  
  
Before answering, Ranma sat Kasumi down in a nearby chair, "I'll tell ya what, I'll do my best to find you a good man, alright?"  
  
"But... but what about you?" Kasumi quickly pleaded, desperately.  
  
Ranma waved her off, "Don't worry about me, it's a martial artist's duty to help others in need. Don't worry about me giving up my time for you, it's the least I can do!"  
  
"B-but... but..."  
  
"Cheer up, Kasumi, there's hope yet!" Ranma proclaimed with a smirk, before walking from the kitchen. Kasumi blinked several times after Ranma's departure, before slamming her head into the table in aggrivation.  
  
Ranma took a deep breath to clear himself, and turned his nose, "Man, now I smell like that crap Kodachi was wearing, and now onions and vinager on top of that!" At the consideration, Ranma decided that he needed a bath. He entered the bathing room after turning the 'occupied' sign out, and casually shucked his clothes. Grabbing a towel, he entered the main bathing room, just in time to see a long, tone, and slender leg extend from the furo.  
  
_______________  
  
"What is this?" the blonde man enquired in German. He furiously displayed the anomaly to the ironsmith.  
  
The burly brunette man looked at it, and his eyebrows raised in surprise, "I... it's a chink in the armor! Forgive me, I'll get on rectifying this right away..."  
  
_______________  
  
Nodoka leaned around the doorframe, wondering who ran off screaming, "Oh dear, I believe I forgot to put out the 'occupied' sign..." 


	6. pt 5

The Art of War  
  
"Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt."  
  
___________________________  
  
Ranma slammed his door closed, breathing hard. After a few moments, he visibly calmed himself, and moved to the center of the guest room. It had been a while, an extremely LONG while, but he figured it was long overdue, and the way certain people have been acting, he wouldn't last long unless he finally got it under control.  
  
Sitting lotus position, Ranma closed his eyes, and began to breath deeply, steady, and slowly. The pressure he was being subjected to was phenominal. In fact, he would almost swear that it was a combined effort on their behalfs. No matter, he thought to himself, he was above that, beyond those urges.  
  
He was told by a master of the art that his father had taken him to during his youth. A very wise master, who had exeeded most of his peers by one governing factor. The ideals he practiced made him powerful, and those ideals he instilled into the young boy that Ranma was at the time.  
  
The prime practice that Ranma had gained from the master was what truly made him one of the best in his generation. It was the reason he would never be overcome in battle, it was the reason he continued to grow in ability at an amazing rate, it was the reason he rarely could hold his temper, it was the reason he was able to so cavalierly shun temptation of the flesh.  
  
Ranma sighed, once he finally started the path of calmness once again. Sheer, unconcerable, dicipline; that's what it came down to. Ranma refused to allow himself to falter in dicipline, regardless of the situation. He had even managed to reach the point to where anything of temptation fell short of him without his notice. Slacking off in training was something he could no longer fathom, giving into his anger and beating every one of his irritations within an inch of his life was not a notion that crossed his mind often, and indulging in his cute and amorous fiancees, suiters, and admirers wasn't even a consideration.  
  
Ranma began to feel the tension melt from him, just as his door slammed open, "RANMAAAAA!!!!"  
  
With an annoyed look, the pigtailed boy turned to Akane, "Now what do you want, you tom-"  
  
With a menacing scowl, Akane threw open her trenchcoat.  
  
"-boy," Ranma's head snapped away, almost giving him whiplash, "GODS, AKANE, YOU TRY'N TO MAKE ME GO BLIND OR SOMETH'N?!?"  
  
"JUST TURN AND LOOK AT ME, YOU JERK!" Akane shouted. What a jerk, Ranma was, here she was, in a trenchcoat and black stockings, trying to give him a free show, and he turns away and insults her.  
  
Ranma furiously shook his head, so fast that his pigtail was making multiple whip cracks.  
  
"RANMA! LOOK AT ME YOU PERVERT!" Akane growled, as she stormed up to the pigtailed boy, and yanked his pigtail down so he would be looking up at her. Well, if he didn't have his eyes squeezed shut, that was.  
  
"Ranma..." Akane started in a conversational tone that relayed a deadly deceptive calm, "The ropes are starting to chafe, these pantyhose itch, and this coat is hot. So, if you don't look at me RIGHT NOW I AM going to REALLY HURT YOU!!!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Finally! the shell is starting to break!"  
  
The man looked at the other guy that was stranded with him on the small desert island in the middle of the ocean, "Darn coconut. These things are some hard nuts to crack, that's for sure..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Akane tripped forward, as Ranma suddenly darted away, jumping through the still closed window. Akane blinked at the broken glass a couple of times, before her expression became furious. "YOU JERK, GET BACK HER AND OGGLE ME!!!"  
  
___________________________  
  
"But when the army is restless and distrustful, trouble is sure to come from the other feudal princes. This is simply bringing anarchy into the army, and flinging victory away."  
  
___________________________  
  
Ranma used his meditation practices well, keeping his brain blank, refusing to allow his mind to lust after the pliable, smooth flesh of Akanes-  
  
Ranma quickly switched his mind to considering his martial arts practicing, shutting out all else, which is why Shampoo was able to slam him out of the sky with her bike.  
  
"Shampoo through playing games with Ranma," the young Amazon growled, picking up the stunned pigtailed boy, and slamming him into a concrete wall. Ranma's back left an impact crater, as the wind was knocked out of him. Shampoo's dark expression allowed for a smirk, as she approached him. "Why must you make Shampoo hurt you?"  
  
Ranma gasped, attempting to find his breath. For some peculiar reason, he found a pleasent, warming sensation growing within him at Shampoo's aggression.  
  
The Amazon's scowl reappeared, "You no answer Shampoo, Shampoo punish... Ranma like that, yes?"  
  
"Yes mistr-NO!" Ranma shouted, suddenly blurring towards Shampoo, and that was the last thing she would notice for a few moments. Ranma didn't dally on Shampoo, making a frantic break for it. This wasn't good, he needed to get some peace and quiet for himself, somewhere he could finally meditate, gain some control over himself.  
  
___________________________  
  
"All armies prefer high ground to low, and sunny places to dark"  
  
___________________________  
  
His desperate flight, once again, was interrupted.  
  
"RANMA-SAMA!" Kodachi cooed, after sacking Ranma out of the air, and pinning him underneath her body, "I witnessed how you decisively contended with that unsavory ramen wench. I must admit that I found the display... more than a touch arousing..." To emphesize her point, Kodachi gyrated herself against the pigtailed boy.  
  
Ranma first noted that Kodachi's perfume didn't quite smell as offensive as it did before. In fact, it was actually beginning to smell pleasant, and relaxed him a bit. With a silly grin, Ranma realized that Kodachi didn't wear any undergarments under her leotard; they felt as hard as pencil erasors-  
  
"GET OFFA ME, YOU PSYCHO!" Ranma's shout could be heard, as Kodachi's body was sent flying into the air via a massive ki blast.  
  
"I'LL NEVER ABANDON YOU, DARLIINNNNGGGGgggggg*" Kodachi shouted, as she was launched into the stratusphere. Ranma stood, panting and clutching his chest with his left hand. Maybe that was a bit exessive, but he wasn't sure how much more he could take.  
  
___________________________  
  
"Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected."  
  
___________________________  
  
Looking around, Ranma decided the coast was clear, and jumped down from the roof of the house he was on, finding himself landing next to Ukyo, who was leaning against the fence, "Hey, Ran-chan."  
  
"Hey UkyooOOOH!" Ranma jumped, noticing his best friend there. He relaxed, once he noticed her dressed in her typical guy's outfit. "How's it going? Sorry to have run out on you like that, but I thought you needed your privacy."  
  
Ukyo's eyebrow twitched, before her smile returned full-force, "I understand, Ran-chan."  
  
"Huh, you know, it's wierd though," Ranma began to muse, "Everyone's acting funny."  
  
"Do tell, sugar," Ukyo replied, fighting back a sigh after getting a wiff of that wonderful musk Ranma was wearing, while flipping through the magazine she was reading, "Ranma, I need to ask you something..."  
  
A wild-eyed Ranma leapt back onto the rooftop, scurrying with his hands and feet to gain leverage, just before Ukyo also leapt up behind him, waving the porno mag in her hand around, "RANMA! BUT IT'S OKAY IF WE'RE FRIENDS! IT DOESN'T REALLY MEAN ANYTHING!!!"  
  
Ranma wasn't particularly in the mood to listen to the girl following him. Actually, he was in the mood to do several things to the girl following him, and that's the reason he was running. "WHAT IS IT WITH YOU GUYS TODAY?!?"  
  
"COME ON, RANMA, IT'S PERFECTLY INNOCENT TO EXPERAMENT!" Ukyo shouted, unable to gain ground between them. Ranma could run awfully fast when he was in stark panic.  
  
"WELL, GO EXPERAMENT WITH SOMEONE ELSE!" Ranma shouted, pouring even more speed into his fleeing.  
  
___________________________  
  
"There is no instance of a country having benefited from prolonged warfare"  
  
___________________________  
  
"RANMA! YOU IS REALLY TICKING SHAMPOO OFF!"  
  
___________________________  
  
"Thus now we have heard of stupid haste in war, cleverness has never been associated with long delays."  
  
___________________________  
  
"RANMA-DARLING! DO NOT FIGHT YOUR JUSTIFIED TEMPTATION! YOUR PARAMOUR SHALL GLADLY RELIEVE YOU OF YOUR FUSTRATIONS AND INHIBITIONS!"  
  
___________________________  
  
"Now in order to kill the enemy, our men must be roused to anger; that there may be advantage from defeating the enemy, they must have their rewards."  
  
___________________________  
  
"SAYS YOU, HUSSY!" Ukyo turned her attention towards Kodachi, approaching from a different direction.  
  
"You two is fight to death, Shampoo punish Ranma for defiance!"  
  
"I THINK NOT, YOU BRAZEN, FOREIGNER HARLET!" Kodachi's ribbon snagged Shampoo, impeding her pursuit.  
  
Shampoo growled, as she brought out her sword, and sliced the ribbon off, "Crazy girl made too, too big mistake..."  
  
"I've had it up to here with you, you psycho," Ukyo growled, approaching Kodachi in a growing fury. It was funny, but the more Ukyo got a wiff of whatever perfume Kodachi was wearing, the more irked she became.  
  
Kodachi merely laughed, " To think, the both of you seek to directly challenge me? It is of a great jest! Alas, I cannot humor you commener servants, as I have a lover to seduce!" Kodachi turned to chase after Ranma, just as both Shampoo and Ukyo dove after her, pulling her into a three-way catfight. 


	7. pt 6

'The Art of War'  
  
"The onrush of a conquering force is like the bursting of pent-up waters into a chasm a thousand fathoms deep."  
  
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_____________________  
  
Ranma breathed heavily, patting his cheeks. That was a bit too close for comfort. "Damn it! Get a grip!" The pigtailed martial artist growled to himself, if he hadn't gotten out of there when he did, he was pretty sure he would have joined the battle... with a vastly different intent. The sight of three young, maturing women, each beautiful in their own way; Shampoo amorous and soft, supple curves, Ukyo's innocent, girl-next-door attrativeness, Kodachi's lithe and limber figure that promised all sorts of creative 'exercises'-  
  
"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Ranma screamed, punching through the wall he was against, and then swinging his imbedded fist in an arc, ripping out a sizable gouge. He retracted his arm, panting heavily with an exasperated expression. After a few moments, Ranma took a final breath, and smiled, "There, good as new!"  
  
Feeling as if all the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders, Ranma began to whistle a sanguine tune, and turned to walk...  
  
...Right into hormonal Hell.  
  
"AKANE!" Ranma staggered, stumbling to the ground backwards. A few feet before him was his nominated 'uncute' fiancee, donned in a trenchcoat that covered all but her thigh down, as the tail of the garment flapped in the wind.  
  
Akane eyed Ranma cooly, as the pigtailed boy stood up, and regarded the girl cautiously. The sun stood high in the sky, as they both faced off on the suddenly abandoned street. For several moments, silence reigned, no noise even made by the tumbleweed that blew across the scene  
  
Akane's hands reached down slowly, before stopping outside her waist. Her fingers wiggled, like a gunman testing his hands to ensure they were at ready. They watched each other, daring the opponent to make the first move. Akane's right eyebrow raised, surprised at Ranma's cool regard. She studied him, studied him, and studied him, waiting for him to so much as flinch.  
  
Ranma knew exactly what lay under the trenchcoat, and that was causing him no end of nervousness. Yet, he refused to give into his anxiety, and continued the staredown. Unfortunately, the longer it went on, the harder Ranma needed to focus, causing him to break out into a cold sweat.  
  
Akane remained patient, anticipating the right moment. Suddenly, Ranma's left eye twitched, as a bead of sweat irritated it.  
  
"HA!" Akane cried out, as her hands flashed, going for her twin guns. They weren't very sizable weaponry, but they had enough perk to take down the most stoic pervert.  
  
Much to her irritation, her aim was off, as Ranma dove to the side. The pigtailed boy felt the whole situation in slow motion; Akane's hands reaching for the front of the coat, ripping the front open, and thrusting out her chest as if trying to poke someone's eye out. Ranma was already diving and averting his gaze before her coat even opened slightly.  
  
"RANMA, YOU JERK! GET BACK HERE!" Akane demanded, as she swiveled her weaponry on their intended target. They proved inefficient, as Ranma was long gone.  
  
Akane stood, still bearing all, with a dark expression that promised murder. Her attention was diverted by the sound of heavy breathing, and traced it to the front door of one of the buildings she was standing near.  
  
The boy was sent flying, as a piece of broken wall collided with his head, and knocked him unconcious. "Nobody gave you permission to gawk, pervert," Akane growled, under her breath. Ranma may have escaped her this time, but the war was far from over.  
  
_____________________  
  
_____________________  
  
"In respect of military method, we have, firstly, Measurement; secondly, Estimation of quantity; thirdly, Calculation; fourthly, Balancing of chances; fifthly, Victory."  
  
_____________________  
  
_____________________  
  
Ranma ran in an aimless direction, not paying attention to where he was heading. At the moment, all he wanted to do was be away from any visible female flesh so that he could calm down. It was apparent they were doing it on purpose, and he would be damned if he allowed them to have that kind of power over him. The only thing left to consider was what set them off in the first place?  
  
During his musing, he didn't notice the stream of water that caught hi-... her in the face. "What the?"  
  
As annoying as it was, the cool blast of water was what she needed to get her bearings straight. Ranma quickly turned to the origin of the stream, only to find a young man in a cloak, chuckling as he leapt from the roof. "Wait, get back here, you jerk!"  
  
Her attention now distracted from her previous dilemma, Ranma dashed in pursuit, and was about to leap off the roof, just as Mousse leapt right up into her path.  
  
Unable to stop herself, Ranma quickly held her arms out, snagging the taller Amazon male around the waist, and slamming into him. "Ranma! Are you okay? I heard your scream practically from the other side of Nerima!" The myopic boy asked with sincere, urgent concern. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around Ranma, rubbing her back with the flat of his hands.  
  
"I... I'm fine," Ranma replied, managing to calm down. She had nothing to worry about now. Mousse was safe, not female. He would protect her and comfort her like he was right now...  
  
Ranma double-blinked, suddenly realizing she was snuggling against Mousse's chest and inhaling deeply. "Ranma..." Mousse replied in a blissful voice that was usually resevered exclusively to Shampoo.  
  
Ranma looked up into the boy's goofy expression, recalling one of the biggest reasons she hated her curse. It was the reason she often saught out fights in her cursed form, deciding the punishment dealt to her body would deterr it from a signifigant, though highly sensual problem...  
  
Ranma's girl-form liked to be touched.  
  
Because of that, Ranma, if he had to stay a girl, made sure not to come into tactile contact with anyone. It had been the single most disruptive antagonizing factor to his hard and heavily trained focus. What's worse, Ranma was losing control faster than he was with the Fiancee troupe...  
  
"GET. THE HELL. AWAY FROM ME!!!" Ranma-chan screamed out. Of course, even as loud as the shout was, Mousse was too far across the Nerima sky to hear it. The redhead stood with her fist out, shivering from the memory of Mousse's rough, calloused hands, made so from years of training with weaponry, sliding delicately and comfortingly all over her back, making her feel small and submissive. She was so shaken, she didn't even think to pull her clothing back up around her waist and tighten her pantstring.  
  
"DAMN IT! I'M A GUY! I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO FEEL SMALL!!!"  
  
"Then maybe you should show me exactly how big you are, Ranma-Honey."  
  
"Ah..." Was all Ranma could say, as she... he felt the hot water cascading over his head.  
  
Ukyo continued to smile, as she retracted the kettle, and looked down. With a cracked smile, Ranma followed her gaze, realizing his... enthuesiasm carried over in the transition.  
  
"Oooh," Ukyo cooed, "Is that for me, sugar?"  
  
_____________________  
  
Shampoo swore in Mandarin, Cantonese, Arabic, Gaelic, Latin, Japanese, and the Queen's English, as she stalked through the doors of the Cat Cafe. Cologne looked up, a bit surprised at how agitated her great-granddaughter was. "I suppose the day has not gone to your liking, Shampoo?"  
  
"Shampoo think Ranma gay. No like girl who try take him like true Amazon womans. Shampoo need instant Spring of Drowned mans." Her expression turned gleefully sinister, "If Ranma want like that, Shampoo oblige."  
  
Cologne blinked, and shifted her eyes to the side, "Ah... I wouldhavetoordermore... ANYHOW..." the Amazon matriarch began, wanting to get her mind off that surprisingly disturbing thought, "Why such sudden gusto to get Son-in-law into the sack?"  
  
"Is bet, Shampoo win bet, take Ranma home to village," Shampoo replied sitting into a chair, and glowering forcefully.  
  
Let it be known that Cologne never saw the opportunity for mischief pass her by, "A bet? Please, enlighten me, child..."  
  
_____________________  
  
Mousse groaned, sitting up and rubbing his head. As painful as the blow was, Mousse didn't regret it. Even though it was even harder than Shampoo had hit him even on her best day, it was akin to the tenderest of love taps. Simply because it came from Ranma.  
  
The punch knocked him into heavily bliss, and as he put on his spare glasses, he noticed Heaven seemed to be plastered in a Doremon decour.  
  
Blinking the grogginess from his mind, Mousse realized he was laying on a rather plush bed, from the looks of it in a little girl's room. "Where... where am I?"  
  
"My apartment, delinquent, uninvited I might add..."  
  
Recognizing the voice, Mousse turned to find a young looking raven haired girl, arms akimbo, glaring at him menacingly. To anyone that didn't know her, it would be cute. On the other hand, Mousse well knew of the girl.  
  
"M-Ms. Hanomiya!!!"  
  
The permenant substitute teacher of Furinkan brought a five yen coin to bear, "Alright, offender! You're going to first tell me why you decided to come crashing through my window..."  
  
Mousse quickly backed away, falling from the bed, and scooting back on his hands and feet, "I didn't mean to! I was just... and Ranma... I mean..."  
  
"Ranma... Saotome?" Hinako enquired, "Was it that delinquent that put you up to peeping on me?" Not even waiting for an answer, Hinako sucked the Amazon boy dry... of ki.  
  
"So... Saotome, once again you invite my wrath," the fully grown, well sculpted, and generously endowed woman almost seemed to groan her statement in her sensuous, husky, almost baratone voice, "Know this, delinquent, Hinako Hanomiya is prepared to take you anytime you want to be naughty!" 


	8. pt 7

'The Art of War'  
  
"Therefore the skillful leader subdues the enemy's troops without any fighting; he captures their cities without laying siege to them; he overthrows their kingdom without lengthy operations in the field."  
  
_________________  
  
_________________  
  
Ranma dove into the alley, burying himself in a pile of trash. He dared not peak from his hiding spot, lest the girl he knew was over top on the edge of the building find him.  
  
Ukyo continued to scan the alleyway she was sure Ranma dove into, unfortunately for her, not finding hide nor hair of him. With a groan of fustration and yearning, Ukyo leapt to the next building, hoping to spy him from the rooftops, presuming he was now trying to evade her at street level.  
  
Even after she was gone, Ranma didn't feel inclined to leave his spot, fearful that he'll have a run-in with someone else. It was actually pretty comfortable, really. The smell also assisted with covering the obnoxious fragrance Kodachi smothered him with when she squirmed her lithe, taunt, muscular body all over his chest, his abs, his...  
  
"Sir, you may come out now, that girl that was chasing you is gone."  
  
"Huh?" Ranma poked his head out of the pile of garbage and trash, to find a girl about his age that he vaguely remembered seeing somewhere before. She was apparently of Chinese descent, but spoke impeccable Japanese.  
  
Nonetheless, she was another girl, she was the enemy, she was the concentration killer, "Go away, I'm happy here!"  
  
With a sigh, the teenage girl with sapphire blue hair walked to the trembling pile of trash, reached in, and pulled Ranma out by the pigtail, "Please, if you must hide, do not do so in *my* garbage!"  
  
"Oh... sorry," Ranma apologised, being held up by his hair, "Um, can you let go now?"  
  
Just as she was about to, the girl seemed to sense something, as her eyes widened, "She's doubling back... quick, follow me!" Ranma wasn't given much choice in the matter, as the girl quickly dragged the pigtailed boy down the alleyway that... that lined the side of the Cat Cafe.  
  
Despite his protests, Ranma ran the whole way with her, as she blindly dragged him several city blocks. "Wait, I don't even know who you are!"  
  
"Um... call me Lon-chan," the girl replied, as she rounded a corner, and dragged Ranma into a large building, "In here, we'll be safe!"  
  
Ranma almost received whiplash at the speed he was dragged in. In the haste, he couldn't even tell where he was, "Hold on a sec! Whatt're ya doing?"  
  
Lon-chan recieved the key from the counter, and bolted with Ranma in tow, "No time to explain! We must find refuge lest the Okonomiyaki chef discover our wherabouts!"  
  
"You mean Ucchan? how do you know-HEY!!!" Ranma found himself tossed head over heels, landing on the floor of the room his savoir had swiftly opened.  
  
"We should be safe in here," Lon-chan commented, sounding relieved.  
  
"Uh, where's here?" Ranma enquired, before his eyes answered the question. It wasn't spacious, of course, space wasn't necessary for anywhere other than the heart shaped bed with a built in gyroscope. The fourteen different types of scented bodyoils that rested on the headboard were of an exellent brand, and if one chose not to indulge in them, there were multitudes of felt whips, furr covered handcuffs, feather boas, and assortment of other fun toys... for his and her pleasure.  
  
Ranma's mind miraculously only took a few moments to reboot itself, before he turned a wide-eyed stare to the girl who had apparently rescued him. Perhaps that wasn't the best of things to do in that instance.  
  
Lon-chan looked over her shoulder at Ranma, wearing a coy smile, and barely wearing the robe that hid her body, and what a body it hid, ladies and gentlemen! "You're safe with me, Ranma-kun..."  
  
_________________  
  
Ranma jumped from the window of the room, barely landing long enough to touch the ground below, before he was leaping onto the cars in the street, making a beeline away from his last space of occupation.  
  
"CRIPES! NOW I HAVE GIRLS I DON'T EVEN KNOW AFTER ME!" Ranma cried out in despair, unfortunately alerting another to his presence.  
  
"RANMA-DARLING! ALLOW ME TO WRAP MY UNDYING LOVE AROUND YOUR MASCULINE FRAME! WE SHALL OVERFLOW SEAS WITH OUR INFINITE PASSION!  
  
The sudden presence of a certain rich priveleged girl with the grip of a giant squid didn't hinder Ranma's panic in any fashion. In fact, one would say from the way he was now wailing like a banshee, running into light poles, walls, people, and moving cars... nope, Kodachi wasn't inhibiting his panic at all.   
  
In the ensuing commotion, another potential contestant was now aware of Ranma's wherabouts. It wouldn't have been much of an issue, really, since he would have outrun this individual quite easily, even with the deathgrip of a Kuno about him. Too bad, she also had this nifty attack that went something like...  
  
"HAPPO FIRE RETURN!!!"  
  
It's a lot harder to outrun a blast of ki when it's blindsiding you.  
  
_________________  
  
Lon-chan continued rolling in laughter in the room of the love hotel she had checked out with Ranma. The look on his face was beyond priceless, a true kodak moment, one for the picture books or an embroidered frame,  
  
The young woman sincerely wished she had brought a camera, but nonetheless, the fun was only starting.  
  
"Son-in-law, you do know how to keep an old woman's spirits lively, that is for certain."  
  
_________________  
  
_________________  
  
"The art of war teaches us to rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's not coming, but on our own readiness to receive him; not on the chance of his not attacking, but rather on the fact that we have made our position unassailable  
  
_________________  
  
_________________  
  
"Mr. Saotome... wake up! I want some answers you little delinquent, and I will have them!"  
  
Ranma groggily awoke from his impact induced nap. He was actually rather glad for the sleep, since it worked to get rid of a certain amorous headache. It's a shame it didn't get rid of the smell that was accompanying her, "Aw great, just when it was starting to wear off, too."  
  
"I apologise for interrupting your monologue, but I demand some-" Ms. Ninomiya blinked, as she watch Ranma attempt to plaster himself into her wall, "-answers."  
  
"YOU'RE A GIRL!!!"  
  
Hinako blinked again, "It... nice to know that you managed to retain some of your bioligy studies..."  
  
Ranma looked for an escape, any escape, finally taking in his surroundings. It only took the nearly obsessive Doremon decour to tip him off to his location. Even though he was in the presense and domicile of one of the most gorgous ladies Ranma had the privelege of meeting, the cutesy surroundings turned him off enough for him to gain some sensibility. "Uh, what am I doing at your apartment? And what's with the hole? Renovating?"  
  
Hinako shrugged, not quite sure how to answer that question herself. She originally intended to take him home after knocking him out, so that she could have a talk with Ranma's father... and Soun Tendou. But, the longer she carried Ranma, the less inclined she seemed to feel to meet with the Tendou Patriarch. After all, her femenine senses were telling her she had a nice, young, hunk of man approaching his prime riding on her shoulder. Why settle for overripe fruit? "i thought it was best, considering your... state..." And what a state Ranma kept himself in, she thought to herself.  
  
Some of Ranma's unease returned, as Hinako licked her lips hungrily, but he managed to squelch it down. They were probably just chapped, anyhow, nothing suggestive about it. "Um, if this is about that test last Thursday..."  
  
"Calm down, you naughty... naughty delinquent! I just wanted to... talk."  
  
The sultry voice was lost on Ranma, not that he didn't still remain on guard, "Well, umm, go ahead and talk... I guess."  
  
Rolling her eyes at how tense Ranma was, Hinako gestured to the bed Ranma was standing on, "Sit down first."  
  
"I'll stand, thanks."  
  
Hinako pulled out a coin, "Sit."  
  
Ranma suddenly felt obliging, "Yes Ma'am."  
  
Grinning in satisfaction, the substitute teacher sat next to Ranma, causing him to flinch, "As for the hole, I was told it was of your doing by the young Chinese boy."  
  
"Uh, I caused it?" not that Ranma remembered everything he did, that he was sure wasn't his doing.  
  
"Well, he did blame you for sending him to peep," Hinako commented factually, while favoring Ranma with a hooded gaze.  
  
Ranma shifted a bit on the bed, as he subconciously pulled his leg away from where Hinako's thigh was rubbing against it, "Um, I didn't have anything to do with that."  
  
"That's not what I'm interested in hearing, Mr. Saotome." Hinako retorted, "The answer I'm looking for... is why you didn't come yourself?"  
  
"..." Ranma stated with such eloquence that even the finest Japanese linguists and wordsmiths would fail to convey, before continuing, "when did you get in my lap?"  
  
"Such a silly question to ask..." Hinako purred, as she leaned towards Ranma's ear, and whispered in a sultry voice, "Don't you think?"  
  
In short order, Hinako was staring at the second hole in her wall. Deciding that any deposits were now a lost cause, Hinako thought that Ranma's abrupt departure was for the best. He was a student, after all, and it wouldn't be very professional of her.  
  
Actually, she wasn't thinking that at all, sorry to have mislead you there. 


	9. pt 8

'The Art of War'  
  
"It is the rule in war, if our forces are ten to the enemy's one, to surround him; if five to one, to attack him; if twice as numerous, to divide our army into two."  
  
_____________________  
  
_____________________  
  
The enviorment around him was nothing but a blur of colors that formed a kiladescope tunnel that drove straight towards his destination. If he could just get back to the Tendous, gather his gear, and get the hell out of dodge, he could spend the rest of the month in reclusive training, away from the current level of unbearable insanity. Perhaps after several intense sessions of 'self discovery' in the deepest woods of Japan, he could return no worse for wear.  
  
"RANMA!"  
  
That, of course, was presuming he made it scott free. Almost immidiately following Mousse's voice, Ranma was sacked from the side. From years of training, the blindsiding glomp was easily countered, as Ranma maneuvered his myopic nemeis into a German suplex, and drove him into the rooftop. Instantly, Ranma then twisted from under Mousse, while still holding him down by the head, and punted him into the distance. Without another thought, Ranma then continued his mad dash for sanctuary, intent on-  
  
Ranma leap a meter into the air, avoiding a dive tackling Shampoo. He landed hard on her back, and spun tightly, before continuing.  
  
-nothing bu avoiding every single female association, as well as one or two male associations. Even Mr. Ninomiya was in on-  
  
"RANMAAAAA!!!"  
  
-it! Ranma leapt across the gap between rooftops, fighting the urge to look down at the raven haired girl with her open trenchcoat. He wasn't sure what was suddenly going on, or who was behind it. Truth be told, he couldn't be bothered to think about it, since his mind seemed to be rather preoccupied. The lithe, supple body of Kodachi, the strong, muscular frame of Akane, the soft, cushiony form of Shampoo, the timid, womanly countenance of Kasumi, the pert, shapely figure of Nabiki, the volumptuous, matured design of Hinako, the firm, toned build of Mousse...  
  
Ranma stopped, wondering how the hell that thought got into there. Slamming his fist into his jaw, Ranma dislodged the disturbing image efficiently, and braced to run.  
  
"Ranma, I thought friends were supposed to trust one another!"  
  
He decided to skip bracing, and run away almost hysterically. Ukyo frowned at Ranma's rapidly disappearing form, before estimating his destination.  
  
_____________________  
  
_____________________  
  
"If you are anxious to fight, you should not go to meet the invader near a river which he has to cross"  
  
_____________________  
  
_____________________  
  
Ranma didn't even bother to check to ensure his window was open, and then couldn't be bothered to pick out the glass shards from his head, as he rapidly gathered his pack, and began to quickly stuff clothing into it. He wouldn't have much time, before...  
  
"Ranmaaa?"  
  
After he finished cycling every swear word he had ever encountered through his mind, he looked up a Nabiki with a sickly smile, "Ah... going on a training trip, don't wait up!" He almost frowned at the sight of the middle Tendou sister; haphazard clothing revealing her pastel purple bra underneith a tight white tshirt, hair in disarray, and short shorts only partially zipped up. Ranma smacked himself several times at chestnut speed to regain his sensibility.  
  
"It hurts Ranma!" Nabiki moaned, before bringing an amber bottle to her mouth, and taking a healthy swig, "It hurts!"  
  
Ranma's concern began to override his sense of self preservation, "What hurts?"  
  
"You durned me down, Ranma, and you hurt me, I want you to make the pain go away!"  
  
"Um... pass that by me once more again?" Ranma requested, walking up to Nabiki, and taking the bottle from her hand, "Hey, isn't this your dad's beer?" Nabiki nodded happily, before her face grew miserable again.  
  
Ranma favored her with a peculiar stare, "um... how many of these had you had?"  
  
"Um... three?" Nabiki replied, holding up six fingers. She then thought about it, and checked her watch. After having difficulty reading it, She handed her wrist over to Ranma, "What does it say?"  
  
"Uh, Two-forty," Ranma answered, checking the time for her.  
  
Nabiki nodded, " Three beers in... um... what's five minutes ago?"  
  
"Two Thirty-five."  
  
Nabiki nodded again, giggling, "Three in five minutes."  
  
"Then, maybe you should lay down, or something?" Ranma suggested, understanding exactly how drunk the girl now was.  
  
Nabiki's expression grew somber, "You're right, Ranma." She then collapsed into the pigtailed boy's arms, tumbling them both to the floor, and waved her tongue frantically before Ranma's tight-lipped mouth. Ranma would have then voiced his desire that Nabiki remove her gyrating person from on top of him, but her seige was great.  
  
"NABIKI!"  
  
Fortunately, reinforcements arrived before the walls crumbled under the nearly unstoppable onslaught. Kasumi quickly rushed towards the downed two, and pulled a nearly limp Nabiki from the pigtailed boy, "That's just how a proper lady should ac... are you drunk?"  
  
"Nnnooo, are you?" Nabiki asked, before her head slumped. Kasumi sighed, and turned to find Ranma huddled in the corner, hyperventalating.  
  
"I'm sorry Ranma, I really am," Kasumi apologised, before shifting herself to drag her swooning sister from the room. She came back several moments later, still wearing her apologetic smile, and dusting off her hands. "I wish I had warned you about Nabiki after she's been drinking. I'm afraid she's hardly herself."  
  
Ranma nodded, still attempting to get his breathing under control.  
  
Kasumi frowned further, "Ranma, maybe you should lay down for a bit," Kasumi approached the pigtailed martial artist, not even getting a reaction from him. She was able to coax him towards his futon, "Here you go, Ranma, a nice comfortable bed. Why don't you lay on your stomach and I'll help you relax."  
  
Ranma didn't even register what she was saying, as he laid down, as his mind had ceased up in order to protect his innocence. Staring blankly forward, he didn't notice or register Kasumi's hands gripping into his back, gently kneading.  
  
The eldest Tendou daughter grit her teeth, as she attempted to massage Ranma's tense muscles; she would have better luck massaging iron ore. "Oh... ugh... Ranma... you're so tense!"  
  
Nonetheless, Kasumi continued to work like the dilligent, determined, future housewife she was, until the utter futility finally registered with her. "oh my, I guess we will have to try to relax you another way..." Ranma continued to stare forward, not even curious to the sound of cloth being unraveled. "Just give me a moment, Ranma."  
  
"RANMA-HUN, BUT IT'S ONLY NATURAL FOR TWO FRIENDS TO-"  
  
"RANMA NOW LEARN MANS PLACE IS BETWEEN WOMANS-"  
  
Ukyo stopped at the threshold, as Shampoo paused from climbing into the window, both dumbstruck at the sight before them. Without a change in their incredulous expressions or positioning, both girls began to glow purple.  
  
"Um..." Kasumi neatly wrapped her breastbindings that were halfway unraveled, and calmly closed her kimono, "Hello, I didn't know we were expecting guests..." Cautiously, she unstraddled Ranma's butt, and slowly backed towards the part of the room furthest from both girls. Her ever present serene smile was plastered pleasantly across her face, enhanced by the tiny beads of persperation trailing down her face.  
  
Both girls began emitting deep growls, before, as one, they both began to approach Kasumi.  
  
"SHAMPO-ER... RANMA!"  
  
The pigtailed boy came to, just in time to see Ukyo suddenly ensnared in a swarm of chains, and crash to the floor, before Mousse rushed in, and latched onto Kasumi like a barnacle.  
  
"Mousse?" Shampoo whispered, wondering exactly what he was doing amidst this, before she quickly shook the throught from her head that would prove dangerously disturbing. "No! Shampoo think happy thoughts, happy thoughts! La la la la..."  
  
"O...Ohmy..." Kasumi gasped, unable to break the strangling hold.  
  
Ranma snapped to, taking his enviorment in, and spying four of his currently most dangerous opponents. With those odds, he knew the best technique for the situation.  
  
Ranma made a mad dash for the door, and turned to launch himself down the stairs. He came to an abrupt stop, and screamed, as he saw a *very* angry Akane stalking up the stairs. As she spotted him, she quickly picked up her pace.  
  
Desperate Ranma turned to the first door available, and rushed into the room. He froze, spying a bound and gagged Nabiki, thrashing and moaning against the jumprope, cloth belt, and leather straps that held her almost mummified on her bed.  
  
Ranma realized at that moment, the helpless look seemed pretty damn sexy.  
  
His brain fuzzed over, as he mechanically began to step forward, completely lost. His fortune came, as he was suddenly saved; bumrushed from behind and slammed into the floor.  
  
Nabiki's wide eyes followed both Akane and Ranma to the ground, before she began thrashing again. Ranma attempted to scramble to his feet, before finding himself face to currently covered chest with Akane.  
  
"TAKE A GOOD, HARD LOOK, YOU DAMN PERVERT!!!" Akane shouted, throwing her trenchcoat open.  
  
In reflex born of a lifetime of training, Ranma quickly covered his face and shouted, "YOUR THIGHS ARE AS WIDE AS A FREEWAY!!!"  
  
"YOU JERK!!!" punctuated Akane's uppercut, as she launched the pigtailed boy into the ceiling. From her position and the angle, she wasn't able to gain the sufficient power to put him completely through he roof. it was also stifled by the sudden sensation Akane felt, as Ranma's ascent caused him to brush against a sensitive part of her. She will make a mental note in the future not to send Ranma flying while straddling him.  
  
Ranma tried his best not to think about what he suspected he brushed against, as his head managed to punch through the roof. Turning, he found himself staring at Pantyhose Tarou, who blinked back at the pigtailed martial artist owlishly. Surprise was replace by a haughty smirk, as he turned while still sitting in lotus position to face Ranma, pulling the headset from his mouth and ears, "Well well, if it isn't the bounty of this little competition."  
  
"Huh? What comp-" Ranma began to enquire, before a spine chilling laughter caught his attention. Deciding he had better things to do, like run away, Ranma forcefully pulled himself all the way through the roof, and picked a random direction to jump towards.  
  
He landed in an alley, frantically scanning his surroundings like scared crapless bunny.   
  
"Tell me... delinquent..." Ranma's spine rolled, both from the surprise, and the oh-so delicious way the word 'delinquent' was spoken. Knowing she had his attention, Hinako strolled up to the frozen young man's back, and pressed herself against it, "Do you think my dress is too small? Should I take it off?" 


	10. pt 9

The Art of War  
  
"He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight."  
  
Day two. Akane growled at Ranma's inconsideration. All day she had to sit in class, glaring at any girl that dared ask her what was with the trenchcoat, and throttling any boy outright who did the same. On top of that, even if she wasn't wearing anything under it, it was pretty damn warm in it.  
  
Of course, Ranma disappeared yesterday, and didn't even have the guts to show up to class today, making all her suffering for naught. Nabiki ended up staying home because of her hangover, which would have been an advantage in this competition for Akane, while Ukyo would be serving detention for harboring pornographic material in school, which may prove to be yet another advantage. Unfortunately for the youngest Tendou daughter, she had yet to find the jerk.  
  
"Auntie Saotome?" Akane asked sweetly.  
  
"I still haven't seen him," Ranma's mother replied, sighing, "Just be patient, he'll turn up eventually." Not wanting to hear that reply, Akane grumbled and stormed off.  
  
"She's in a mood," Nodoka observe, "and I wonder why she's still wearing that trenchcoat, the weather is sweltering today." At that thought, she brought her cup of tea back to her mouth to take another sip.  
  
"Auntie Saotome?"  
  
Sighing once again, Nodoka postponed her sip, and acknowledged Kasumi, "Sorry, dear, Ranma hasn't turned up yet."  
  
"Oh," the eldest Tendou Daughter responded, frowning, "Would you please let me know when he does show up? I would like to... talk to him, please."  
  
"Of course," Nodoka answered. Kasumi smiled, nodded, and went back into the kitchen.  
  
"Auntie Saotome?"  
  
"Shouldn't you be in bed still?" Nodoka enquired with an arched tone, "If you were not feeling well enough to go to school, I believe it would be best if you remained in bed until you understand the fails of consuming such large quantities of alcohol?"  
  
Nabiki grimaced, chagrinned over her punishment, "Well, I was wondering if Ranma had turned up yet."  
  
"No, as popular as my son seems to be right now, he is still unavailable," Mrs. Saotome replied, "Now, back to your room, young lady." With a groan, Nabiki headed back upstairs.  
  
"Mrs. Saotome."  
  
Nodoka's eye twitched, before her smile was back in place, "Ms. Ninomiya, this is a pleasant surprise. How is my son doing in his English class?"  
  
"I'm afraid I missed his gorgeou-... er, his presence in my class today. He apparently didn't show up for school."  
  
"You don't say," Nodoka replied, dryly, "It sounded as much from the four phonecalls you had made during the course of the day."  
  
"Well, I would have contacted you more often, but I feared becoming a nuisance," The brunette woman holding a fishbowl with two fighting fish apologised.  
  
"That was... appreciated," The Saotome matriarch stated, eyeing her cooling cup of tea longingly.  
  
"Has he shown up yet? I would like to... personally... address his delenquence."  
  
Nodoka favored the deviously grinning teacher with a hooded gaze, "It's admirable that you would choose to take a personal interest in my son, but he is still unavailable. Maybe you should return at another time?" With a pout, Hinako nodded, and left, letting herself out as she had let herself in.  
  
"Shampoo bring too, too-"  
  
"He's not here," Nodoka quipped. Shampoo pouted cutely, and left.  
  
"Is Ranma-hon-"  
  
"Try your restaurant," Nodoka interjected, her mouth still poised over her cup of tea.  
  
"Ranma-darlin-"  
  
"Go away," Nodoka simply commanded.  
  
"The nerve," Kodachi shorted, before heading off to look elsewhere.  
  
"Good day, Mr. Tendou."  
  
Nodoka took several moments, before she realized the young Chinese man was addressing her, "I'm afraid I'm not Mr. Tendou."  
  
"I apologise, Kasumi, have you seen Ranma recently?"  
  
"My son is currently hiding under the table," Nodoka stated, finally able to take a sample of her beverage; not a bad blend, really, and the aroma was simply intoxicating.  
  
"MOM!!!" Ranma shouted, poking his head from under the table.  
  
"You only told me that the girls were not to know where you were," Nodoka replied, apologetically, while a bit taken back by her son's irritation.  
  
"RANMA, MY LOVE!" Mousse proclaimed; his cry like a howl alerting every wolf in the immidiate area.  
  
"RANMA, YOU JERK!"  
  
"RANMA-HON!"  
  
"O-HOHOHOHOHOOOOO!!"  
  
"You naughty delinquent! You deserve a spanking!"  
  
"AIREN PISSING SHAMPOO OFF."  
  
"Ranma, oh there you are! i'm preparing soba noodles and tempura shrimp. I'm afraid we're out of clean dipping saucers, so you'll just have to use my navel."  
  
Everyone stopped, and looked at Kasumi. The eldest Tendou daughter then wrung her hands nervously at the attention, "Well... I'm sanitary..."  
  
"THE PERVERT'S GETTING AWAY!" Akane shouted, pointing to Ranma sprinting for the gate walls as if he were running from armageddon.  
  
"I'll take care of that," Hinako proclaimed, "HAPPO FIVE YEN RETU-"  
  
She didn't complete her attack, as she was dogpiled by all the other women. "No! If you zap him we'll NEVER get him to perform!" Nabiki warned. Nobody bothered to correct Nabiki in the fact that they didn't have to go that far.  
  
Nodoka watched as the girls and Chinese boy ran after her son, beeming with pride. Her son was definently manly to attract so many admirers. Of couse with his looks, his skills, his concern for honor, his rippling... taunt muscles, his rougish smirk, those strong, youthful hands of his that could grip her in a vice she couldn't break free of, allowing him to do with her as he plea-  
  
Nodoka paused, holding the cup of tea to her mouth, realizing how much she had begun to fantasize about he own son.  
  
"Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected."  
  
Ranma was grateful for the sleep he had managed to get, even if his mother kept coming in and checking on him every so often, watching him sleep when she thought he wasn't awake, petting his hair gently as her breathing became slightly irregular... he would have to ask her to drop by Dr. Tofu's to make sure she wasn't coming down with something. Regardless, he was now able to think a lot straighter, and able to wrap his mind around things without losing too much bloodflow to the brain. As was yesterday, the girls were acting like sex staved rapid hounds, intent on subduing him for their lustful intentions. Ranma idly thought that most guys would immidiately stop running at the realization.  
  
Ranma's thoughts were interrupted by kick that nearly pinned him between a foot and a stone wall if he had been an instance slower to evade. Ranma watched the leg intently, before realizing he was probably focusing too much on the supple, pantyhosed appendage, complete with a blue garter belt and hand trailing tantilizingly up to the end of the split in the dress that concluded at the thigh an down to the shapely and firm calf.  
  
"You like what you see, Son-in-law?" The owner of the leg enquired, favoring the pigtailed young man with a sultry smile.  
  
Ranma immidiately tuned to the woman's face, expecting Shampoo's Grandmother. Confusion set in, before he recognized her. In that instance, the image of an old woman superimposed over the gorgeous foreign lady.  
  
Shampoo, Akane, Ukyo, Kodachi, and Hinako came upon a somewhat familiar blue haired woman, rolling around the ground and laughing hysterically. At the moment, what she was doing didn't concern them too much.  
  
"Have you seen a pigtailed man, about sixteen, sculpted chest, butt to die for, and a cute smile come by here?" Ukyo enquired. In the midst of her gasping, wheezing breaths, the blue haired woman pointed down the street.  
  
"Thanks a bunch!" Ukyo gave the woman a gateful beeming smile, before they all made a mad dash towards their appointed destination.  
  
From the rooftops, Tarou did a fitting imitation of the blue haired woman down below. This was sincerely the best entertainment he had ever had. It was just too priceless, and he knew at the first opportunity he needed to go buy a camcorder. The thing would easily pay for itself multiple times over if he were to sell the video.  
  
"Alright, Pantyhose Jerk, let's talk!"  
  
Tarou immidiately stopped, as the humor nearly drained out of him, "Femboy, taking a break from your performance? Just when the show was getting really good, too!"  
  
Ranma narrowed his eyes, and cracked his knuckles, "Alright, you're gonna tell me what's going on, and how you're gonna make it stop!"  
  
Tarou simply folded his arms and smirked, "Believe me, girly-man, if I could take credit for this whole debaucle, I would."  
  
"Don't give me that crap!" Ranma demanded, launching into a lunging punch which Tarou quickly parried with an open palm, "The girls start acting loopy, and you're in town. What is it, some kind of love potion?"  
  
Tarou shifted to defend the twelth attack Ranma was about to deliver, before he paused. Ranma noticed his opponent suddenly went rigid and looked at his face. What he found there, was an expression of a man trying his damndest not to crack.  
  
Tarou fell to the floor, failing miserably.  
  
"IT'S NOT FUNNY, YOU FREAK!!!" Ranma proclaimed, tightening his fists until his knuckles turned white.  
  
"Oh my, there he is, with that Tarou boy."  
  
"RANMA! I FEEL LIKE HELL, AND SO HELP ME, YOU'RE GONNA RECTIFY IT!!!"  
  
Ranma gulped, from the demanding, lustful, and anticipating expressions both Nabiki and Kasumi were wearing, Ranma figured exactly how he was supposed to pay.  
  
Yup, Tarou would be getting that vid camera as soon as possible. 


	11. pt10

'The Art of War' 

'Thus one who is skillful at keeping the enemy on the move maintains deceitful appearances, according to which the enemy will act. He sacrifices something, that the enemy may snatch at it'

* * *

'This is Ranma Saotome. No, I mean I'm writing this letter right now. By the time anyone reads this, I may possibly be driven out of my mind by the hoards of women and a guy chasing me to the ends of the earth in order to do the deities know what with me. Now, I am not scared or anything, but if you understood the circumstances of my ordeal, you'll get the idea.

What is this all about? Well, I have no idea, really. It started a couple of days ago when Akane started acting funny, the 'Ryoga is trying to talk to Akane' type of funny. Now, I may not act like the brightest firefly in the field, but do not take me for utterly stupid. As that Chinese guy said, 'When you're strong, act weak, when you're weak, pretend to be strong', or something like that. Anyways, after Akane knocked me skywards, I ended up at Ukyo's. She's my best bud, and I know how Hiroshi and Daisuke like looking at those nasty videos and stuff, but I never thought girls liked that stuff, too. Well, before it got awkward, I let her have time alone. That's when I got jumped... literally... by Shampoo.

Well, not to say she was not agressive before, but now she was outright violent, I mean past 'Akane-is-on-the-rag' violent. I try not to hit girls, but I figured, hey, if Shampoo wants to play rough..

Needless to day, my day did not get better, nor did the next day. After it was all said and done, Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo, (ew) Mousse, Kodachi, Ms. Hinako, and (double ew) Cologne have been hunting me down like rapid dogs on the scent of fresh beef, all for the purpose of having their way with a gorgeous stud like me. I also suspect Nabiki and Kasumi are in the act, too, while Mom keeps giving me uncomfortable looks that make me feel... unsanitary.

Now, as I said, I am not exactly a rocket scientist, but even with Kodachi and Shampoo's less than inhibited behavior, this is far past normal for them. Pantyhose boy's appearance also is more than a coincidence, so when I see the jerk, I think I will kindly ask him to fix the girls before I fix him with a pantyhose noose.

Anyhow, I wanted to get this down, in case I do not make it. It is the third day of the ordeal, and I feel my resolve failing...'

"So let it fail, already!"

Ranma froze, before slowly turning around to find his 'cute' fiancee leaning atop the stacked gym mats Ranma had been hiding behind, "Ah..."

"And Akane dear does get a bit intense during her cycle, huh? They got medication to help that, you know? Maybe she just isn't eating right..."

"WHY CAN'T YOU ALL JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Ukyo sighed as she watched Ranma disappear like rabbit tailed by a wolf, realizing she missed her chance to end this obnoxious competition right then and there. But gosh darn it, when you got past Ranma honey's penmanship, he was actually a rather captivating writer.

Ranma finally stopped, and quickly pulled himself into one of the school lockers. He had hoped hiding in the school after hours would give him some reprieve; alas, it was as if he had a tracking system on him that kept the girls well informed of his whereabouts.

* * *

"Wooly Bully to Femdom; target 'Choirboy' is located in the west hall, fourth floor, hiding in locker 427."

"Why you call Shampoo 'Femdom'?"

Tarou sighed, before adjusting his binoculars to view the rather delicious sight of a lavender haired voluptuous Amazon, barely restrained in chrome studded leather brazier, thigh high stiletto boots, and thong panties with something... potruding from them. He shuddered, and hoped for Ranma's sakes he was a girl when Shampoo found him, "Just go with it, alright"

* * *

Ranma concentrated on calming his breath, before the light sound of tall heels clacking against linolium floor came to his ears. Quickly, he held his breath, as the sound approached, until it was right in front of him. The pigtailed boy almost choked, when the sound suddenly stopped. Through the vents of the locker, he could catch a glimpse of lavender hair, but not much else. The sound of the heals clacked, as if she was making a circle, before a femenine huff was heard, and Shampoo stomped off, mumbling to herself that there is no locker 427..

After she was gone, Ranma let out a sigh of relief, "Boy, that was clo-URK!"

"GOT YA!" Akane proclaimed, as she ripped Ranma out of the locker by his throat, and tossed him down the hall. As Ranma was gathering his footing, Akane threw her coat open, "LOOK AT ME, DAMN YOU!"

"NO!" Ranma rolled to the side, just in time to avoid a stiletto heel through the crotch.

"Good Ranma..." Shampoo congradulated, as she struggled to remove her heel from the floor, "No look at Akane! Be punished by Shampoo instead!"

"HEY, CAREFUL WITH THAT!" Akane shouted, "We're gonna need that!" Akane blinked, before pointing to Shampoo's crotch, "Uh, what the heck is that?"

While both were distracted, Ranma made a dive out the window, drawing the girls' attention to his escape.

The pigtailed boy sighed, as he began his decent towards the ground, once upon it he was homefree to make his esc-

"I'LL SAVE YOU, RANMA!"

"Huh?" The pigtailed boy questioned, before he found himself dashingly caught within the toned grip of a long haired Chinese native.

"Are you okay, Ranma?" Mousse enquired with genuine concern, "Those trollops didn't hurt you, did they?"

"Ah, n-no," Ranma whispered, before rubbing his head against Mousse's chest. He paused, realizing what he was about to do...

...and what gender he was about to do it in...

"RANMA! Not until we land!" Mousse demanded with a flustered yet aroused tone, as the pigtailed martial artist began rummaging through his robes while they were still swinging in the air by the grapple rope Mousse was holding onto with his free hand. Once he found what he was looking for, Ranma quickly cut the rope, and used Mousse as a platform to launch himself to the School roof.

The pigtailed, irritated martial artist breathed heavily and ignored the sudden seismic vibration from a body's impact with concrete ground, before quickly looking around, and spying a glimmer on a distant rooftop. With a growl, he launched the throwing knife he got from Mousse in it's general direction.

* * *

Tarou sighed, as he pulled the binoculars from his face, then tilted out of the way of the projectile. He then put the binoculars back to his eyes, and spoke over his radio reciever.

* * *

"So, that jerk's the one telling them where I'm at!" Ranma seethed, deciding it was time to take the battle to Tarou.

"Son-in-Law, Tarou wishes for me to inform you that those binoculars belong to Nabiki, and if anything happens to them, he's taking the cost of them out of your ass"

* * *

It was around two in the morning when Ranma finally made it home. Almost listlessly, the exhausted pigtailed martial artist crept into his room and quietly climbed into his bed. With a blissful sigh, he rolled over, finding himself face to face with a smiling Kasumi. "What are you doing in my bed?"

"Well, yours looked so comfortable, and I thought I would try it for a little bit," the eldest Tendou daughter replied, wringing her hair nervously.

"Uh huh, yeah," Ranma's dry tone relayed his belief in her statement, "and how, prey tell, did you get into my room? Mr. Tendou, Pops, and Mom promised not to let anyone in."

"Well, I had to come in and make your bed!"

Ranma groaned, "You make the beds in the morning."

"Well, it took me all day to get your bed just right..."

"Of course," Ranma replied with a hooded gaze, before he lifted the covers, finding exactly what he was expecting to see Kasumi wearing. He sighed, as he got out of bed, and tucked Kasumi in, "Good night Kasumi."

"But Ranma, it's your bed, aren't you going to stay? Ranma? Ranma-kun?"

Ranma nearly dragged himself into the hallway, before the door to the front left of him opened, revealing a haphazard and thoroughly piss drunk Nabiki. They stared stared at each other for several moments, before she pointed an accusing finger at Ranma, sloshing the bottle of gin in her hand as she raised it, " 'S your fault, Shaotome. Sh'ur falt I can't get laid." She broght the bottle to her lips, taking a hearty swig, before glaring at him with drunken anger, "Now lay me."

Ranma took in Nabiki's mussed, strangly sexy appearance; her unkept hair that draped over one eye, her tanktop sliding off of one shoulder, threatening to expose one non bra clad breast, and the way her already short shorts rode up to nearly forming bikini bottoms...

Ranma realized that in her drunken state, Nabiki was completely vunerable. She probably wouldn't even remember the next morning...

..it was an ample oppurtunity to relieve some stress...

Ranma sighed, knowing the internal victory was already won, "Alright, let's go into your room..."

Nabiki giggled, as she linked her arm with Ranma, and used him to support herself as she stumbled to the bed.

* * *

'If we do not wish to fight, we can prevent the enemy from engaging us even though the lines of our encampment be merely traced out on the ground. All we need do is to throw something odd and unaccountable in his way'

* * *

Ranma sighed in content, having been waiting for this release for the whole day. After being chased by amorous women for three days, he could only hold on for so long. With a languish stretch, Ranma rolled over, "Good night, Nabiki."

Nabiki didn't respond, as she herself was out like a light. Good thing too, as Ranma was getting irritated at her demanding to be undressed before he tied her face down onto her bed, while propping a pillow under her chest so she wouldn't drown in her own vomit if she happened to do so. Even without bedding, the floor underneath Nabiki's bed was quite comfortable. He doubted anyone would come searching for him in the middle Tendou sister's room, so he may just get a refreshing night sleep.


	12. pt11

'The Art of War'

'So then we may take it that any army with its baggage-train is lost; without its provisions is lost; without its bases of supply is lost'

( ----------

"Femboy's getting sneaky, that's for sure..." Tarou quipped, irritated on losing his presence since yesterday. The intel he gathered from Kasumi stated that she was the last to see him that night, though from the way Nabiki had been tied down in her room without anyone else's knowledge would suggest otherwise. When asked if they had bothered to check Nabiki's room to ensure he wasn't still hiding in it, Tarou slapped his face in irritation at the blank expressions everyone returned.

He was beginning to get concerned that Ranma was getting enough time to recover himself, which would make him more difficult to ruffle. Heh, not that it wouldn't be difficult to return him to such a state, after all he was still a wuss when it came to women. Nonetheless, the lull in his entertainment was bringing him to no end of boredom. If this kept up, he would have to give up on this game, and just go hunt for Happosai...

Tarou's head snapped up, before he brought the binoculars to his face. He growled, as he watched Ranma infuriatingly wave to him, before jumping from the roof he had been standing on. "You're getting cocky, girly-boy. All units, target has been spotted due We-"

"BAKUSAI TENKETSU!"

( ----------

All contestant participants turned to the sight and sound of Furinkan High's clock tower roof exploding. Though none of them truly had concern for the misnamed young man that was providing them field direction, his loss would make their task all that more difficult.

"(Correction, Ranma's heading due south)"

Ukyo raised an eyebrow at the voice, "Tarou, is that you? You okay, hon?"

"(Uh... yeah... cave in, that's all... ahhh heh heh..."

( ----------

Ryoga breathed, hoping they bought it, before crushing the comm. unit in his hand. He wasn't sure what Ranma had been telling him was the truth, but from the way Ranma had shown up at the Unryuu Farm early that morning, begging his fanged rival for his assistance, told Ryoga how serious it was for Ranma to throw away his pride like that. Plus, the involvement of Pantyhose Tarou confirmed that whatever was happening around Ranma wasn't innocent.

Ryoga now decided he was fully in on helping Ranma. It wasn't as if he hated his pigtailed nemesis now, it was just that Ranma could manage to infuriate him to the point where he just wanted to beat Ranma to death. Besides, if Akane was truly under whatever spell or potion Tarou had all the women under, it would behoove him to give his cooperation 100 percent.

With that, he started unwrapping Tarou's pantyhose from around his waist, and tying the willingly cursed young man with them, hoping to ensure his un-interference in the future.

( ----------

'Do not swallow bait offered by the enemy. To not interfere with an army that is returning home.'

( ----------

"THERE HE IS!" Shampoo shouted, catching sight of Ranma's pigtail disappearing around a corner. Akane, Ukyo, and Hinako trailed close behind, not willing to let their rival gain the advantage over them. After a chase into an alley, they caught sight of the pigtail disappearing into a door, before the door shut.

Without any restraint, Shampoo shattered the door inwards, unwilling to let the barrier provide any impediment. Just as Hinako, being the one that brought up the rear, entered the dark room, another barrier fell over the entrance, this one sounding quite a bit sturdier than the last metal door that had been in its place.

"HOTCHA!"

Each of the women's eyes went wide, as the war cry instilled them with more fear than they had ever conceived...

Happosai tossed away the pigtail he had been luring the girls with, eager to sample the rather provocative outfits of Shampoo and Akane, as well as claim the silky prizes of a couple more women who had been in consistent arousal for several days. He was glad he had decided to hear out his ingrate heir's request. Though Ranma wasn't worthy of his assistance, he figured this was a great start for the pigtailed boy to get back into his graces.

( ----------

Ranma watched from a distance, as the trap was sprung. He felt more than a little guilty for what he did to the four girls...

"Feh, the perverts deserve him..."

But his guilt was far from all-consuming.

"You know that was far from a nice thing to do, Son-in-Law."

Ranma turned, and smirked at the youthful looking Amazon Matriarch, "Hey, old ghoul, looking pretty good today."

Cologne's eyes flashed a slight hint of surprise, before she returned the smirk, "Why thank you for noticing, I was wondering when you would finally succumb to my charms."

"Ah, I gotta admit, that any guy in their right mind wouldn't be running from a body like yours..."

Cologne berated herself for blushing.

"But I ain't into that mature stuff."

The blue haired woman frowned, "You know, Son-in-law, I think someone needs to be taught a lesson on the appreciation of beauty."

"Yeah, but I'll just have to pass on that," Ranma responded; his arrogant tone truly beginning to concern Cologne.

The matriarch braced herself, visibly going into a fighting stance, "And what makes you believe I will allow you to escape this time? Face it, sonny-boy, with 3000 years of Amazon history, and a body that rivals yours in ability, your chances are very small."

"Well, you're probably tooting your own horn if you think you're as physically capable as me, but instead of finding out, how about I show ya something interesting?"

Cologne cocked her head to the side, "And that is?"

Ranma held out a document, with his father's signature at the bottom, "Written permission to utilize the Umisenken." With that, Ranma began to fade from Cologne's view.

"CURSES!" The Amazon shouted out, as she just missed grasping onto Ranma before he disappeared. With nothing she could do about it now, she quickly made her way to where the girls were trapped; the matriarch's basic humanity not allowing them to be trapped with a demon like Happosai, especially in their current states.

Just as she was about to use the Bakusai Tenketsu on the door, the frantic screams, pleas, and cries gave her reconsideration. Perhaps it would be best they kept the old letch contained for the time being... so his interference was kept at bay. It wouldn't do anyone any good if his meddling spoiled the wholesome competition the girls had going, after all.

( ----------

Ranma stood on the highest point he could find in Nerima, smirking to himself. As much as he would hate himself later on, he decided that this was war... He didn't know what got the girls so hot and bothered (well, actually he did, being the gorgeous stud he was), but it had to be stopped before he ended up married before the end of the week.

Tarou said it was some sort of contest going on with him being the prize, and as much as he hated being treated as such before, it nearly infuriated him that they had 'officially' claimed such. What's worse, Cologne, Hinako, Kasumi, and Nabiki were in on it. That realization made him wonder exactly how much of the female Neriman population was out for his bod.

Shaking off the swelled head that would no doubt impede his thinking, he moved on to neutralize another set of threats.

( ----------

"Kasumi, we need to talk."

The eldest Tendou daughter gasped, before she spun, and found Ranma standing before her in the kitchen. "Oh, Ranma-kun, I was just beginning to prepare dinner for you!"

Ranma raised an eyebrow, "This early?"

"Well, it was going to be rather elaborate," Kasumi responded, fiddling with her hands. She was not prepared for Ranma to simply show up like this, she had hoped the meal she was preparing would lure him back to her by its scent alone; she was working on Ranma's favorite foods, after all. "You w-wanted to discuss something?"

"Yeah, Kasumi, but I think we need to sit down." Ranma urged, following through with the advice Akari had given him. Fortunately, she and Ryoga were far enough removed from the main of Nerima to not get caught up in the madness that was currently surrounding him, which allowed him to ask her for advice on how to handle women. Also fortunately, he and Ryoga had left before the girl started eyeing Ranma curiously.

"Um... okay..." Kasumi responded, with a sinking feeling she wasn't going to like this conversation.

( ----------

Ranma patted Kasumi on the back, attempting to console the older girl, "So you see, I just can't be with a woman that sees me as nothing more than an object of desire. I'm a person with feelings and needs other than se... seeee...sexual," Ranma stuttered out, rather uncomfortable with the conversation, and making Kasumi cry. As it was the Soul of Ice was the only thing keeping him firmly in place.

"I... I guess I haven't been acting like a proper young woman," Kasumi spoke up, feeling dejected, but seeing Ranma's point of view.

"I mean, you and Nabiki are like the sisters I never had..."

"And Akane?"

"Er..." Ranma paused, "She's like the... um... brother I never had... what with her being such a tomboy and all..."

"Oh, Ranma," Kasumi responded, breaking a slight smile, "I'm sorry I made you so uncomfortable. Please, allow me to make it up to you, I'm preparing your favorite!"

"Hey, that'll be great... sis!" Ranma exclaimed, before giving Kasumi a tentative hug, still concerned about her level of arousal to even such a minor display of affection.

Ranma left the kitchen, and breathed easier. Hurting Kasumi's feelings was the hardest thing he ever had to do, and he would rather face off against Herb and Saffron in tandem than have to face Kasumi's tears again.

"Saotome! I hope you don't expect me to buy the bull you just sold sis..." Nabiki smirked, well understanding what all men desired, even if the concept had to be hammered into their thick skulls, and stabbed into their tiny, one-track minds.

Ranma froze, before bracing himself for the next challenge...


End file.
